Apology Accepted

Its amazing what today's kids don't know. We spend so much time trying to ingrain the academic stuff, sometimes we forget about the social stuff. Actually, I'm not taking all the blame here, its the parents that neglect the social stuff. We, sometimes neglect to "fill in the blanks". Today there was an incident involving the use of the "N" word. And no, it was not nincompoop, ninny, or nitwit.

A sweet little (not to be confused with smart) hispanic girl from my 4th-grade class walked up to a somewhat likable (not to be confused with angelic) African-American boy today while we were lining up to come in from recess and said, "Hey, N**ga!". She, of course, used the modern day hip-hop pronunciation and not the circa 1800-1970's pronunciation. No doubt, she had been influenced by today's rap culture, MTV, Hollywood, and quite possibly fellow students, as well.

Anyway, the boy was somewhat offended, and I guess he had a right to be. I just wonder if it offends him when 50 Cent and Snoop Dogg use the word as well, but I digress. What was really strange (and the subject of this blog) is the way the boy didn't know how to accept the apology.

I called the girl out into the hallway for some clarification about the incident. I asked, "What did you say to Dr. J? He seems to be really upset about it." She replied back, with a hint of shame, the truth. I told her that it was not okay for her to use that word even if she had heard it on the radio, TV, or from her own friends (some of whom are African-American as well). I could tell that she kind of had some sense that it was wrong before she actually said it, because tears were flowing. If she really had no clue about the offense, she probably wouldn't have been tearing up like she was. I told her that I thought she should apologize to him and she agreed.

So, I called him out into the hallway and told him that Ms. Swoops had something she wanted to tell him. I looked at her to give her her cue and, looking down at the floor in shame, she said, "I'm sorry for calling you that."

And he said, with a straight face, "You're welcome."

I looked back at him with a quizzical look on my face, and I asked him what he had said, just by the off chance that maybe I had misheard him. He repeated, with a straight face, "You're welcome."

I asked him if he was sure that that was what he was, in fact, trying to say. Then it was he who had the quizzical look. He had absolutely no idea where I was going with my questions. I didn't want to make him feel weird or like he had done something wrong, so I just bluntly told him that when someone apologizes to you for something they did, you don't say that they're welcome. You tell them that you accept or don't accept their apology. I told him that he could shrug it off and say, "That's okay!" or "It's alright." I told him that the last thing you want to do, is tell them that they are welcome to do it again.

He said, "Oh, okay." and it was over. I'm sure he put that one in the "Information To Know" file in his brain. Well, actually I'm not so sure. But, he'll figure it out eventually. I just find it weird that he didn't know the proper words to use in this situation.

Today's kids are exposed to so much vulgarity, raunchiness, and inappropriateness, and they seem to learn how to apply that vulgarity and what-have-you to their daily interactions with peers. But, many don't have the slightest clue about proper social etiquette. Am I asking too much? I guess I should be glad that she at least agreed that she needed to apologize. But, then again, I had to suggest it.