Monday, August 27, 2007

Early Retirement?

Ugh... It's days like this that make me wonder:

"Do I have the ability to do this for another 17 to 20 years???"

The first days of school are always hectic, true. First weeks are always hectic. But, it really is days like today, that make me want to go back to college and earn a second degree. Heck, I'd consider an associate's degree in auto mechanics (they probably make more money and they get to have tattoos). Seriously though, we can have tattoos. But, what would I get? A giant apple on my back? A multiplication chart on my ass? A place value chart wrapped around my bicep like a tribal band? (Maybe I could make it into the millions period if the print was small enough).

Seriously though, auto mechanics have it easy! Plus, if they don't have the parts, they can order them from Detroit and get them within the week. I can't rightfully tell Johnny's mother that he's missing the portion of his brain that controls logical reasoning and that I need her to sign a consent form so that I can order the replacement part from Dr. Frankenstein's lab (if it could only be that easy). Furthermore, they can always refer to the owner's manual for tire pressures, oil grades, and how to use the jack. If kids could just come with a manual that had their friggin' address on it I'd be happy. Seriously.... If you're 10 years old, you should know your home address. And if you don't, your parent should take the responsibility to staple that information onto your forehead.

Auto mechanics also only have to worry about engine cycles. No monthly cycles. What is it with being notified of those on the first day of school? This is the first time in my 12 years that this has been an "issue" on the first day of school. Sure, it happens during the middle of the year all the time. But, on the first day of school? I guess it was bound to happen. Its the hormones in the chicken, I know.

I do enjoy my job, don't get me wrong. I'm sure I'll grow to like a majority of these kids, and I'm sure they'll grow to like me as well. But when I'm 49, will I feel the same way? Will I have the energy? Will I have the stamina? Will I show up to work with my shirt tail sticking out of my trouser zipper? (inside joke). Will I show up with suspenders attached to my underwear? (another inside joke). Will I show up to work one day with mismatched shoes? (oops, already did that). Will my ties look ridiculously out of style? (NEVER!!)

Well, I really don't know what will happen then. All I can worry about is what happens tomorrow (and the rest of the school year). So, put your tray tables up and put your seats in their full upright position. Fasten your seatbelts because its gonna be another bumpy ride!

Saturday, August 25, 2007

NO MORE WIRE HANGERS!!!

A wise principal once said, "It takes five positives to undo the damage caused by one negative." (Or, at least someone told me that’s what the wise principal said). Regardless, the logic seems true enough. It is kind of like the whole idea of how frowning causes facial wrinkles while smiling prevents them from occurring.

Anyway, I digress. Yesterday, our principal called a staff meeting for the purpose of going over final nuts and bolts type issues before the opening of school on Monday. We also traditionally have an apple-cider toast in plastic champagne glasses to kick off the "New Year" on a positive note.

Well, the meeting was to start at 1:00 in the cafeteria. I, along with 8 to 10 other co-workers, showed up at 1:00 (according to the clock in the cafeteria). According to my watch, we still had another minute or two. According to my cell phone, it was 1:00. According to a second clock in the cafeteria, it was about 10 after. Anyway, she had already started the meeting (before 1:00). This must be true since she was already in the middle of discussing something. If we were there at 1:00 on the dot, and she was already speaking, she must've started anywhere between 12:57 and 12:59.

At the door, there were sign-in sheets for attendance and about 8 handouts to pick-up. While we were signing in, and picking up our handouts, she decided to "call us out" in front of the rest of the staff.

Nice negative reaction, very nice. Reminds me of how some staff members last year would make bets before staff meetings on how many negative remarks the principal would make for the meeting on that day. If anyone was betting yesterday, they would've had a field day trying to tally up the multiple tirades that were about to occur.

I can't quote it, but it was along the lines of we're just gonna have to stop and wait for your fellow co-workers, who can't seem to show up to a meeting on time. All the while, mind you, she's screaming. Well, not screaming, but definitely talking in a very abrasive, condescending, belittling, gruff tone. One of the staff members actually spoke up for herself and said, "It's one o'clock now," pointing to the cafeteria clock. Of course, this led our principal into her be-in-your-seats-early-so-the-meeting-can-start-promptly tirade.

Anyway, I felt like an 8-year old.

It just so happens that earlier in the week, we had an interesting presentation on brain-based research. It was basically about creating "optimal" conditions for "optimal learning". Things discussed were: having brighter, homier classrooms; having music play strategically during various times of day; involving hands-on or kinesthetic movements throughout a lesson; and creating a hospitable non-threatening environment (to name a few). She should've taken a page from that lesson and handled our scolding differently because from the moment I felt like I was being chastised as if I were an 8-year old, to the moment we toasted to a "Happy New Year", I had tuned-out. I wrote non-productive notes to my fellow "guilty" co-workers instead. I got a few laughs out of it as well. I guess I had caught the "negative-virus" as well. I'm probably being negative now as well, but it’s therapeutic, so I'm excused.

The toast was anything but jovial for me. I drank the apple-cider like I was abusing a bottle of Jack Daniels, and I threw the plastic champagne glass into the trash can like I would've been smashing an empty bottle of Jack in a parking lot or burning fireplace. I walked out of that meeting fuming inside. Outside, I was fine. I can laugh about things. I can smile. I can joke. But, on the inside rest assured, I was fuming. There were about 2 more times after that meeting that I just let out frustrated "Argggghs" in my isolated hallway. The people that heard me knew why I was "Arrrrgh-ing". Almost 24 hours have passed now and I'm still pissed. But, I'm not so much pissed now at the belittling as I am at about how low I've sunk since Tuesday.

I was pretty optimistic at the beginning of the week. But, each day, I've managed to sink a little bit more each time. Of course this all comes on the heels of news from a friend who has moved to a new school this year and is absolutely loving the positive energy there. I'm happy for my friend, but it just makes me realize what I'm missing out on.