Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Wanted: Personal Assistant

Wanted: Personal Assistant

Must be willing to make and receive numerous phone calls on a daily basis. Subject of phone calls can be, but is not limited to:

  • scheduling parent conferences with 100% success rate
  • scheduling parent conferences with 100% of the parents
  • scheduling parent conferences with 100% of the parents to be completed within a 10-day window
  • scheduling parent conferences for parents that can't actually come on parent conference night
  • scheduling alternative times for parent conferences during teacher's planning period, before school, or after school (when even the teacher doesn't even know what days he/she will actually HAVE a planning period, or when the teacher only has 1-day lead time as to whether or not they will have morning duty the following week, or when the teacher doesn't know when a last minute after school frivolous meeting will be scheduled)
  • tracking down missing paperwork/documentation for records
  • communicating information to parents about missing/incomplete student work
  • communicating information to parents about their child's negative behaviors in school

Must be willing to file paperwork that involves, but is not limited to:

  • student assignments
  • student behaviors
  • student growth/progress
  • student interventions
  • student absences
  • student tardies
  • student's new/revised home contact numbers
  • parent communication
  • student observations
  • running record of all times and events teacher goes above and beyond what is necessary

Must be willing to make copies that are, but are not limited to:

  • student assignments
  • notes home

Must be willing to monitor a school calendar so as to keep the teacher informed of:

  • upcoming staff meetings
  • upcoming planning meetings
  • upcoming off-campus meetings
  • upcoming off-campus-planning meetings
  • upcoming campus events that affect instructional time
  • upcoming campus events that are after school hours
  • unscheduled important last-minute meetings
  • unscheduled important last-minute deadlines
  • unscheduled frivolous last-minute meetings
  • unscheduled frivolous last-minute deadlines
  • unscheduled frivolous things in general
  • duty assignments and dates
  • specials rotation
  • upcoming due dates
  • upcoming assemblies
  • upcoming counselor guidance lessons

Must be willing to monitor a school calendar so as to help the teacher:

  • schedule educational events for students
  • schedule bathroom breaks
  • schedule days on which the teacher can get "sick"

Experience in interior decorating a plus

  • use interior decorating experience to decorate classroom with various student works, to be rotated out every 2 weeks
  • use interior decorating experience to decorate classroom without covering more than 60% of wall space in order to stay in compliance with fire codes
  • use interior decorating experience to decorate classroom with the "stuff" that meets the educational requirements of each department (i.e. math, science, reading) while still finding room for the student works that need to be displayed and not go over the 60% wall-coverage as required by the fire department (when 75% of one wall is windows and 80% of another wall is ceiling to floor cabinets)
  • use interior decorating experience to organize student desks for cooperative grouping while still keeping the desks in a position in which all students can see the board....with occasional times of organizing straight rows and columns for testing days....and then moving them back for non-testing days.

Annual Salary: 0.01 K (paid by Mr. Ed U. Cater himself)

7 comments:

Mister Teacher said...

dude, if you find anybody like that, let me know, and we can share them. I'll kick in .005K

HappyChyck said...

Now I am so discontent. How can I live without a personal assistant now that I know just how desperately I need one?

Very well stated, though!

Anonymous said...

I'd like to add, "running errands to locations only open during the school day" and coordinating with health care providers to arrange for check-ups, dental cleanings etc out side of school hours"

mollymaureen said...

Love Love Love it.

Esma said...

Well written :)

www.kindergarten-duesseldorf.de

Gabriele said...

Well written :)

www.kindergarten-duesseldorf.de

jennay said...

I am someone like that!! If anyone on here is looking for that feel free to email me at fancherjenny@yahoo.com and I'll send you my resume