Looks Like We Have Another Floater...

Children puzzle me sometimes (the things they do, the way they act, the things that entertain them, the thrills they get off of unthrilling things, bathroom humor). Maybe its because I have a weak stomach or maybe I'm not hip anymore (I am going to be 38 in 3 more months...another sad realization I made today). Who knows?

It all started a little after lunch during our post-lunch bathroom break. There are 5 stalls in the boys bathroom and 5 in the girls. So, naturally I send in 5 at a time. I monitor the boys bathroom, and the girls pretty much take care of themselves (thank God). I will step in and out of the bathroom several times to facilitate maximum occupancy of the toilets while others are still washing their hands. But, enough of the unimportant details. Occasionally, while walking in and out, I tend to catch them in their little moments of err... um.. immature-ness (whether it be climbing up the stall doors, flicking water in someone's face, throwing a wad of paper somewhere it doesn't belong, or writing something on the wall). But, every year, this little "gem" always becomes an issue: The floater.

Yes, the floater... sitting in the water of the unflushed toilet bowl. It's like the 8th wonder of the world to these kids. Forget a trip to the museum to see relics from a lost era... in stall #3 we have a relic from last period!

I don't understand it. I don't own a cat for a reason. I can't clean out a litter box without vomiting... or at least gagging. There's a reason why I wear dark clothes when I walk my dog in the dark. When she poops in other peoples' yards, I can high-tail it out of there without having to clean it up. I can't use the inside-out baggie method. The poop is usually too squishy. Messes with my mind. Makes me want to throw up. Makes me want to gag. But, enough about my surreptitious dog walking techniques. Back to the floater.

The floater is a wondrous thing. Its like that tiny box in the Hellraiser movies. They are drawn to it. It has mysterious powers. There are even rumors that Adolf Hitler himself was in search of the perfect floater. It could annihilate an entire army. Umm.. err.. maybe that was the Ark of the Covenant, but I digress.

I have my secret ways of observing the boys in the bathroom without going in. The mirrors mainly.... Sometimes their reflections in the tile. Anyway, this is the "script". Happens this way pretty much all the time and the same way:

Boy walks into stall. Boy says, "Ewwwww!!!" Boy dashes out of stall and tells other boys. Other boys go observe floater in the stall of the offense. Other boys dash out one by one laughing and saying, "Ewwwww!!!" Some boys make repeat trips.... and come out with the same result, "Ewwww!!!" As boys filter out into the main hallway, they notify the other boys (who are still waiting in line to go in to the restroom) of the attraction in stall #3. Its like when you see your friends in line at the movies when you've just finished seeing the feature they're waiting to see. Or when you get off of a roller coaster at an amusement park and you see your friends waiting in line to ride the same ride. "It was awesome!!!"

They'll recall these stories of their youth in their later years.

Student #1: "Remember when we saw that poop floating in the toilet?"
Student #2: "Yeah."
Student #1: "That was awesome!"

But, I have to admit that it is quite humorous to see this event. I try not to laugh. Most of the times I don't. Sometimes a smile creeps out, but I pretty much keep a straight face. But as Triumph the Insult Comic Dog might say: It makes for a good blog-writing topic....... For me to POOP on!!