First Day 2009-2010

I'm having a frustrating year... Yup. Day 1. My sanity and mental faculties are already being tested. June, July, and half of August weren't quite enough the recuperation time I needed.

My students last year bled me dry. Ever see the movie "Lifeforce"? About these alien vampires discovered in space and brought back to Earth? The female vampire literally sucks the life out of her victims, shriveling them up into dry corpses (all the while walking around London in her birthday suit). This year's group (I have a feeling) are going to be kind of like her (except for the birthday suit part, thankfully). I'm somewhat familiar with most of them already because I had the opportunity...err, um, disadvantage... of proctoring a good deal of them when they took their state standardized tests last year.

I feel like I'm losing my rose-colored glasses. I am coming to a crossroads after 14 years. Performance pay, evaluations, instructional strategies that only work in the movies, are just a few of the reasons why I am approaching this crossroad. My track record of success automatically puts me at a disadvantage because I'm entrusted with the hardest of the hard (which can make it more taxing for me in my quest to reach goals).

In the NFL, it is perception that if you give your star running back more than 30 carries a game, that you're potentially shortening his career. Breaking him down, so to speak. I am in no way trying to equate myself as the star teacher at my school, but I do feel like I'm being broken down.

I asked for a "change" this year, a reprieve if you will... a break from the front lines. Still requesting a challenging task, but involving a population with more "receptive" minds. Needless to say, I didn't get what I asked for. Others got what I had requested instead (others who are less experienced). Honestly, I really just wanted a reprieve. A chance to decompress and recuperate from the challenging group I had the previous year. Then, after a year or two, I would go back to the front lines. Because, in reality, I really do enjoy the tough hardened populations that I have taught year after year for 14 years. Most of the time, I get no thanks from them or their parents. But, I take satisfaction from the fact that I know they left me with a lot more "stuff" in their head.

So I started the day with yet another hardened group, while still wounded from last year's battle. Stuff that I could usually easily put aside, or ignore in the past, was not so easy to ignore today. Kids outwardly arguing whether Joe Student said "pussy" or "pussycat", or Susie Sunshine not knowing the name of the apartment she lives at, or me having to repeat the same direction an ungodly amount of times was enough to make me go buy a lotto ticket today, and also contemplate furthering my education.

It looks like it is another case of "same shit, different year" syndrome for me. This time, I don't know if I'll recover.