The Head Of The Class

This month's TAKS testing is the first step to unfairly judging teachers

2011-04-10T14:07:00.010-06:00

The TAKS test has arrived. In upcoming weeks, teachers will be trying hard to review concepts and clear up misconceptions. Some teachers have tutoring sessions before school or during lunch. Some continue tutoring during their planning periods or after school. Some may do all of these things.

Stress levels, no doubt, are high. After all, nobody wants to be the one responsible for an “unacceptable” rating at his campus. But are these ratings fair? What do these ratings really say about a school, and how does the average parent or concerned citizen interpret them?

I’ve been teaching for 15 years, and not once have I ever worked at a school that got an “exemplary” rating. What does that say about me as a teacher? That I am substandard? That I’m not as good a teacher as the one who teaches at “exemplary” Fill-In-The-Blank Elementary? It absolutely does not. But I have no doubt that this is the way many of Dallas’ public-school-criticizing citizens think.

I’ve always wondered what would happen if they moved the teachers at an “exemplary” school into a school that was rated lower and vice-versa. I suspect that results would pretty much remain the same at both schools.

The public perception does chip away at my morale at times. There are many great, hard-working teachers at my school, and I’m sure it probably bugs them, too. Who doesn’t want to be categorized as “exemplary”?

Some schools have more challenging populations than others. Are there oncologists out there with 100 percent cancer cure rates? No. Does this make them bad doctors?

If Top General Hospital boasts a 90 percent cancer cure rate while Average Joe General Hospital has only a 70 percent cure rate, does that make the doctors at Top General “exemplary” while the doctors at Average Joe are only “acceptable”? Of course it doesn’t. It all comes down to variables like biology and resources.

In the case of the biology variable, we are dealing with human beings here, not inanimate objects. We don’t have total control over what goes on in Johnny’s head, just as doctors don’t have total control over cancer cells. We can offer treatments, but not everyone responds the same. Perhaps Johnny can’t sleep because of late-night partying in the apartment next door. Perhaps Johnny can’t do his homework because he is taking care of his own siblings. Perhaps Johnny is homeless. Perhaps Johnny prefers to act out at school. The list of variables is endless.

In the case of the resources variable, not every school is the same. Some schools have exceptional PTAs and tremendous parental involvement, while others have none. Some schools are neighborhood schools, making it easier for kids to stay after school for tutoring. Other schools have to pay for late buses to take home a select number of after-school tutoring kids at the end of the day. Some schools are overcrowded, while others are not. The list of variables here is endless as well.

Many Dallas teachers work at schools that face many of these challenges every day. We work hard every day, and we try to reach as many students as we can. I have taught math to homeless children, abused children and foster children. I have taught math to refugees from war-torn countries such as Iraq , Burma, Rwanda and Sierra Leone. But how would anybody know that by just looking up my school’s rating?

In spite of these challenges, my colleagues and I are proud of our “exemplary” efforts every year, and we really don’t get any kind of recognition for it. We just get lumped in with the criticism. I guess this just makes us best-kept secrets.

When will we make education our top priority?

2011-02-21T19:20:00.003-06:00

In the true spirit of getting all those extra special features on the DVD or the Blu-Ray, I am going to post my unedited column here (along with a link to the edited version). How exciting! It's like you're getting a behind the scenes look. So, without further adieu, my latest column in all of its unedited splendor.

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While driving down to San Antonio to visit my parents for Thanksgiving a little over 12 weeks ago, a little pebble flew out from the back of a dump trunk and hit my windshield just directly above the inspection sticker. The damage was a 3-inch horizontal crack.

After a week passed, the crack was still there, and I had not made any attempts to have it repaired. From time to time, I would mention to my friends that I needed to get that crack fixed. But, my plate was full, and my wallet was thin. It was all about priorities. I was busy shopping for Christmas gifts, having the brakes on my car fixed, paying the dentist, and paying for my cholesterol and blood pressure prescriptions. The crack descended to the bottom of my priority list.

Today, the crack is still there, but thanks to the winter blast of 2011, it is now 12 times bigger, reaching almost completely across the span of the whole windshield. Needless to say, my priorities have shifted a little and the windshield is now near the top of my priority list.
Education (and the education system in general), it seems, has always been treated like the crack on my windshield. We talk about it a lot. We pay lip service to it all of the time. Some people speak of how the system is broken and needs to be fixed. Politicians speak of leaving no child behind or the importance of winning the science fair over winning the Super Bowl.
Unfortunately, there are going to be no winners when DISD (and other school districts across the state) start cutting teachers, counselors, and administrators. There are going to be no winners when classrooms sizes increase to fire-code-threatening levels. There are going to be no winners when entire campuses close and when fine arts programs are cut. Apparently, this seems to be okay with many of our leaders, too.

Teaching, as we know it, will change if these cuts occur (and not for the better). I can’t even begin to visualize student desks organized in any kind of way besides rows and columns. I can’t even see how there would be room for the 4 student computers that I currently have in my classroom. I have a hard time seeing how I am even going to maintain any sense of order and structure if my class size increases by 10. I am sure that many DISD teachers would agree with me in those assessments. I know many non-teachers out there don’t believe it, but teaching is hard. It will feel almost impossible next year when these cuts are implemented.

Does anybody out there even understand how this scenario could send a ripple throughout the country? The inability to successfully educate our children can only eventually lead to higher drop-out rates, crime rates, poverty rates, teen pregnancy rates, and the list goes on. This is not good for anybody, even people who don’t have children in school. Everyone is a stakeholder whether they like it or not. There is an old African proverb that says, “It takes a village to raise a child.” Sadly, this village called the USA doesn’t seem to care too much about that. There will definitely be children left behind.

Like my cracked windshield, education is being taken for granted. True, there are many problems with the educational system in America. There are many things that need to be fixed and dealt with. We could say that there is already a small crack in place, no doubt. When these cuts happen, there will be a huge crack across the windshield when all is said and done. Will we deal with it?

It is all about priorities and education just doesn’t seem to be that vital. The government will bail out the private-sector banks and huge corporations in the best interest of the economy and its citizens. Who will step in and help out our children, teachers, and schools? Taxpayers will fund a 1.2 billion dollar stadium to have the Cowboys in their backyard. But, when it comes time to pay property taxes, will they complain about it because they don’t even have a child in the school system?

Weeks ago, people from all over conglomerated here in North Texas for the Super Bowl. Tons of money was spent, pockets were lined, business owners smiled (even if the weather put a damper on it). The 2 quarterbacks that competed make million-dollar salaries. Big time companies spent an average of $100,000 per second for an advertisement during the game. I like that Obama said it, and I never expected it to come to fruition less than a month after his speech, but we’ve got a long way to go before being the winner of the science fair will take precedence over winning the Super Bowl.

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Link to the column as it appeared in the Dallas Morning News: http://www.dallasnews.com/opinion/local-voices/headlines/20110218-michael-haring-when-will-we-make-education-our-top-priority.ece

Super Waste

2011-02-03T23:13:00.002-06:00

Soon, people from all over will be travelling to North Texas to watch the great spectacle that is the Super Bowl. Arlington spent tons of money to update their local airport in order to accommodate the influx of private planes that will be landing there. Airlines have added extra flights to accommodate all of the Super Bowl travelers. Hotels are practically booked solid. Road improvements and beautification projects have been sped up and completed so that the visitors to North Texas can remember that this area was a nice place to visit.

Over 100,000 people will attend, paying upwards of $600 a ticket for upper bowl to $900 for lower bowl (face value of course). More than likely, they will pay even more than face value for those tickets. And how much are luxury suites? Upwards of $250,000, maybe? I really don’t know for sure, but when I Googled it, that number appeared quite often as a low-end figure. I’m pretty sure it is safe to say that great amounts of green will be exchanging hands in North Texas for Super Bowl week. Just imagine. If each of the 100,000 people that attend actually only pay $600 for a ticket (which we know is a low-end estimate), that generates $60,000,000 right there. If you build it, they will come. Jerry built it, and they are coming in droves with their wallets open, ready to spend. It will be a great game I’m sure.

Companies will pay millions for their 30-second ads that will run on television during this grand spectacle. It is such a great exposure opportunity since millions of people will be sitting in their houses tuning in on their flat screen TVs, waiting for their pizza to be delivered, and for Stan to get back from his beer run. When Stan finally gets back with the beer, they will be able to rewind the DVR so that he can watch the spectacular play that he missed while he was out at the neighborhood grocery store that now has a permit to sell beer and wine, thanks to a recent city election. He won’t miss a second of what is sure to be a great game, I’m sure.

People will brag on Facebook and Twitter about how much it cost them. They will say it was worth every penny, though, and would do it again without a second thought. They will post videos of the Black Eyed Peas doing their halftime show and brag about how amazing it all was. OMG, That was a gr8 halftime show! And, it will be a great halftime show, I’m sure.
Afterwards, they’ll probably complain a little bit about the traffic situation after the game. They may even complain about $8 beers, ironically. But, deep down inside, that will just be a minor imperfection to what was a fantastic experience. They will get back in their private jets, their commercial airline, or their SUVs and travel back to wherever they came from, thinking positive thoughts of this very hospitable area. They will think to themselves, “Hmm..what a nice area. I should come back here someday.” And, the citizens and businesses of North Texas will truly be hospitable, I’m sure.

Come Monday morning, everything will be back to normal. The hotel, airline, retail and restaurant industries will be checking their ledgers and counting profits. The TV ads will be judged in all kinds of media, generating even more exposure. The NFL will start worrying about whether there will be a next year. Ted Williams will be on the news again. Diane Sawyer will host a new follow-up special to the “Congresswoman and the Astronaut.” And, school districts across the state will go back to work, trying to find ways to cut costs while still educating students. Some districts will decide to cut pre-k programs. Some will decide to cut school nurses, librarians, music teachers, and assistant principal positions. Some will increase class sizes and shut down campuses. Some may do all of the above, and more. And all of these decisions will lead to bright and successful futures for our young ones, I’m sure.

I’m as big a football fan as the next guy, but priorities are priorities, and something seems a little off center to me. Finland and Korea, watch out! Here we come!

The Frustration Factor

2011-01-16T16:52:00.001-06:00

Here is a link to my third column for the Dallas Morning News, which appeared in December of 2010.

Michael Haring: The frustration factor Dallas-Fort Worth Local Opinion Columns News for Dallas, Texas Dallas Morning News

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Update 2/21/11 Here is the column in its original unedited format:

I have always had a pessimistic personality by nature. I have found that I am pleasantly surprised a lot more often if I’m pessimistic. So, as a teacher of elementary school students in DISD, I find myself having very hopeless thoughts about the future of the human race more often than I care to admit. I have worked with the “future” of mankind now for 15 years and they are suddenly starting to approach the part of my life when they start becoming my “present.”

Working with students in DISD has always felt like an uphill battle for me, like using a rock and slingshot to fight off an approaching tank. I am not just talking about academics either. I’m talking about character qualities such as love for your fellow man, respect, and citizenship as well. Please don’t get me wrong. There are many smart and intelligent DISD students with excellent character out there. But, in my pessimistic view, more days than not, the future looks bleak to me.

On my drives to work, I always find myself letting out a sigh and muttering to myself, “What am I going to do with these kids?” On my way home from work, the same thoughts penetrate my mind. It happens all of the time, whether I’m pushing a shopping cart collecting my groceries, pumping gas, or waiting in line in the drive thru window, the thought is always there with me. Even during the summertime, it can be continuous and intrusive. What am I going to do?

This year, my school was fortunate to be the recipient of many kind gestures from churches and other charities, giving back in more ways than I have ever seen as a teacher. They have provided needy students with clothing and school supplies and extra food for them to take home on weekends. They have provided a spruced up lounge for the teachers and new carpeting for the school auditorium. And, then for Christmas, one charity even adopted the school and gave wrapped Christmas gifts to the children. What a grand gesture!

It was so great to see the kids excited to receive their gifts. Unfortunately, the greatness for me, was short-lived. I soon had a sour taste in my mouth because in the midst of all the generosity, were trickles of ingratitude and ungratefulness here and there... more than I’ve seen before. Comments like “I didn’t get all of the things I asked for” just stabbed at my soul. Students who consistently make bad choices, went right back to making their bad choices. And, to top it off, a lot of the ingratitude came from some kids who have benefitted from clothing donations or extra food in the past. I sighed and thought to myself, “What am I going to do with these kids?” Sometimes, it just feels like an exercise in futility. I want to put my rock and slingshot down and surrender to the tank.

But, then I opened the card. It was a re-gifted greeting card. Underneath the standard holiday print and stock message, the signatures of the previous senders had been scratched out with pen. Instead, the signature of one of my students filled the space below (a student who has struggled with math since the day she walked in my classroom door, but a student that has continuously made progress throughout the year). There was also a personal note that anointed me, “Best math teacher ever” and notified me that I “rock.” What a grand gesture!

I realize that it is not just me. To reference a popular and current documentary film, I am not Superman. There are other teachers that have worked with her as well. Her older brother (one of my former students) has also worked with her. And I have no doubt that her parents have worked with her too. But, she was thoughtful and considerate enough to let me know that she appreciated me for what I do.

What do I do? I get up every morning at 5:45. I shower, shave, and get dressed. I think to myself, “What am I going to do with these kids?” I pick up my rock and my slingshot and I head out the door with the hopes of winning this uphill battle.

The Upside of Down Time For Schoolkids

2011-01-16T16:47:00.001-06:00

Here is the second column for the Dallas Morning News which appeared in October 2010:

Michael Haring: The upside of down time for schoolkids News for Dallas, Texas Dallas Morning News Opinion: Viewpoints

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Update 2/21/11: Here is the column in its unedited format

When I think back to my 6th grade year, one thing that stands out vividly in my mind is a tag game we used to play at recess called “Lions”. It always attracted a large group of players and it was always something that I looked forward to with great anticipation. The rules were simple. There were 2 bases at opposite ends of the rectangular playground. One person was picked to be the lion (usually through some version of Ee, Nee, Mee, Nee) while the other 10-20 players would be the prey. The prey would run back and forth across the Savannah grasslands (i.e. the playground) trying to reach base. The lion would try to tag them as they ran across. When one of the prey was eaten (tagged), in a true passing-of-the-energy down the food chain fashion, the prey would then become the new lion offspring. By the end of the game there would be a few prey left and 20 bloodthirsty lions waiting to tag them as they crossed the playground. It never failed that the final remaining prey were always the “fittest” ones that were incredibly quick on their feet, juking and jiving their way across the playground trying to make it to the other side.

Back then, we would have recess after lunch for at least a good 20 to 30 minutes. We looked forward to it without question. We relished that time. It was our time to interact with each other on a non-academic level. It was our time to problem-solve and find ways to get along. It was our time to get the blood pumping. As Forrest Gump might say, it was our time to run.

Now, flash forward to present day. Old Macdonald had a test. Here a test, there a test, everywhere a test, test. Teachers, schools, districts, states are all under the microscope for test scores. So, in the interest of filling students’ minds with all of the necessary knowledge they need to be successful on their tests, recess is going by way of the lion’s prey. After all, how does it look if a child is outside playing when they could be inside learning? There is not enough time in the day to fit recess in anymore. The urgency lies in getting test scores up. A new superintendent to any school district would say that his or her main goal is to get test scores up. Never in a million years would he or she say that the goal was to get heart rates up.

But, despite what people may think, recess is important. If you look in any education textbook, there is always a section in it addressing the importance of playtime in the development of a child. If you have any experience teaching, you don’t even need a textbook to tell you that. The exercise and socialization that goes on at recess allows the children to burn away their daily residue. It helps second-language learners aquire the new language. It helps all kids re-energize. And let’s just face it: kids need to run. Childhood obesity issues make the evening news at least 2 or 3 times a month. Some children don’t even have a safe place to exercise at home. What better place to do it than the school playground?

Most of us adults went through our elementary school years with more recess than today’s children. We also went through our elementary school years with less standardized tests. We turned out okay, didn’t we? Yes, I understand that the world is getting more competitive and it is not the same as it was when we were kids. But, surely countries like China aren’t skimping around when it comes to the physical well-being of their young students, are they?
But, what about corporate America? Out of curiosity, I went to the Fortune magazine website and looked up the 100 best companies to work for. Is it a coincidence that a lot of these top companies offer on-site workout facilities for their employees? Wouldn’t exercise time in the company workout room decrease employee productivity? Obviously, it doesn’t, or such perks wouldn’t exist.

So, maybe there really is something beneficial to having the opportunity to blow off steam or burn away stress. Maybe there is something beneficial to making our children into lions. Or should we just settle for making them into prey?

My Teacher Could Have Protected Me

2011-01-16T16:44:00.002-06:00

I've been writing some volunteer columns for the Dallas Morning News. Here's a link to the first one that appeared back in September 2010:

Michael Haring: My teacher could have protected me News for Dallas, Texas Dallas Morning News Opinion: Viewpoints

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Update: 2/21/11: My unedited version of the column has been added below.

Spaz… Spaz…. Spaz…. Spaz… Spaz… The chanting continued in an audible whisper. More voices joined in. The chanting grew louder and quicker. SPAZ..SPAZ..SPAZ..SPAZ.. Finally, the teacher interjected with an, “All right everybody, get quiet.” The interspersed giggles and chuckles in the classroom started to subside as I continued my walk to the front to make my presentation. I don’t quite remember what that presentation was about 27 years ago. But, I can never forget that incident leading up to it.

All it took was one voice.

A good friend of mine had started the chant. It was from a scene in the movie, “Meatballs,” which I had only seen small portions of on cable. I was familiar with that scene then, although I can’t quite remember it now. Spaz was the nickname of a nerdy, socially awkward character in the movie. Of course, there was a chanting scene in the movie as well. That day, in my 7th grade Language Arts class, it was truly a case of life imitating art.

I was not pleased, but I took it in stride. Don’t let them know that they got to you, right? I read my report and sat back down. But, the damage was done. My confidence was shaken. I had always been a smart kid, but equally as shy. Getting up in front of a group of people and speaking was always a challenging task. But, on that day, I was silenced for good.

Each school year thereafter I always got a seat hidden in the back of the classroom, with my hand firmly planted by my side…never in the air for fear that the chanting might start again. I only spoke when I absolutely had to or when I was called on to answer a question. My A’s and B’s suddenly weren’t making as many public appearances anymore. I grew proficient at always being able to find just the right moment to “feel sick and go see the nurse” or “go to the bathroom.” My 7th grade teacher had taught me how to be a ghost.

I blame my teacher’s inaction for the spaz incident. I don’t blame my friends. They were all just ignorant 7th graders who didn’t know any better. But I do wonder from time to time, what kind of person I would be today, if my teacher had maybe laid into them just a little bit more. Would I have become more confident and outgoing in my future life? Only a DeLorean with a flux capacitor can answer that question now. One thing however, is certain: a safe environment would’ve at least given me the courage to volunteer again. A safe environment would’ve kept me out of the nurse’s office or the bathroom. Regardless, my teacher chose not to address it directly.

Back then, I wouldn’t have thought of that ordeal as a bullying incident (just as today’s kids may not be able to recognize their own experiences with bullying.) I’m still hesitant to call it bullying today, but the more I think about it, the more I believe it was. Bullying exists on another plane besides the physical one. The physical one is the one we, as a society, tend to address the most (and sometimes not enough at that). The mental one is the one we tend to ignore the most (after all, sticks and stones can break our bones, but words will never hurt us.) We as adults know this to be false, yet we continue to spout that off to our children and our students because we don’t know exactly how to deal with it.

But, deal with it, we must. If we don’t defend our children, we will be emboldening them to do something more harsh. 9-year-old Montana Lance of The Colony was being bullied. It bothered him enough that he decided to end his life. Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris were frequent targets of bullying, before they decided to end their lives and the lives of many others. You can Google the words “bullying suicides” and see the names and the stories for yourself. It’s an epidemic and it’s getting worse. It is time for society to truly address it and come up with a solution.

Some people have thicker skin than others. Some people can fight through it, but they don’t come through unscathed. For me, my wound is my apprehension of sharing myself, my thoughts, and my ideas. When the ghost appears, everybody loses. I don’t put myself out there often enough. People who don’t know me, may actually think I’m stuck up and aloof. And, sadly, I never get to know them.

2010-12-27T13:20:00.001-06:00

Trying to get back into the swing of blogging (after a long hiatus). For now, here is a truth-telling link that speaks about my life as a teacher in so many ways.

http://teachbad.com/2010/12/10/principal-seeks-to-replace-student-body-improve-scores/

Wanted: Personal Assistant

2009-10-07T15:22:00.011-06:00

Wanted: Personal Assistant

Must be willing to make and receive numerous phone calls on a daily basis. Subject of phone calls can be, but is not limited to:

scheduling parent conferences with 100% success rate
scheduling parent conferences with 100% of the parents
scheduling parent conferences with 100% of the parents to be completed within a 10-day window
scheduling parent conferences for parents that can't actually come on parent conference night
scheduling alternative times for parent conferences during teacher's planning period, before school, or after school (when even the teacher doesn't even know what days he/she will actually HAVE a planning period, or when the teacher only has 1-day lead time as to whether or not they will have morning duty the following week, or when the teacher doesn't know when a last minute after school frivolous meeting will be scheduled)
tracking down missing paperwork/documentation for records
communicating information to parents about missing/incomplete student work
communicating information to parents about their child's negative behaviors in school

Must be willing to file paperwork that involves, but is not limited to:

student assignments
student behaviors
student growth/progress
student interventions
student absences
student tardies
student's new/revised home contact numbers
parent communication
student observations
running record of all times and events teacher goes above and beyond what is necessary

Must be willing to make copies that are, but are not limited to:

student assignments
notes home

Must be willing to monitor a school calendar so as to keep the teacher informed of:

upcoming staff meetings
upcoming planning meetings
upcoming off-campus meetings
upcoming off-campus-planning meetings
upcoming campus events that affect instructional time
upcoming campus events that are after school hours
unscheduled important last-minute meetings
unscheduled important last-minute deadlines
unscheduled frivolous last-minute meetings
unscheduled frivolous last-minute deadlines
unscheduled frivolous things in general
duty assignments and dates
specials rotation
upcoming due dates
upcoming assemblies
upcoming counselor guidance lessons

Must be willing to monitor a school calendar so as to help the teacher:

schedule educational events for students
schedule bathroom breaks
schedule days on which the teacher can get "sick"

Experience in interior decorating a plus

use interior decorating experience to decorate classroom with various student works, to be rotated out every 2 weeks
use interior decorating experience to decorate classroom without covering more than 60% of wall space in order to stay in compliance with fire codes
use interior decorating experience to decorate classroom with the "stuff" that meets the educational requirements of each department (i.e. math, science, reading) while still finding room for the student works that need to be displayed and not go over the 60% wall-coverage as required by the fire department (when 75% of one wall is windows and 80% of another wall is ceiling to floor cabinets)
use interior decorating experience to organize student desks for cooperative grouping while still keeping the desks in a position in which all students can see the board....with occasional times of organizing straight rows and columns for testing days....and then moving them back for non-testing days.

Annual Salary: 0.01 K (paid by Mr. Ed U. Cater himself)

Give Me A "K"!

2009-10-06T16:34:00.005-06:00

I showed up at work this morning, and no more than 5 seconds had passed when I had a student trying to give me something. The kids were still having breakfast in the cafeteria. I was walking by and I could hear a student call my name. I turned around, and there was my student, LL.

He had a big grin on his face and he said, "Mr. Cater, I have something to give you." He started to reach into his backpack, and I stopped him with his hand midway into the pack. I told him to hold on to it for now, and that he could give it to me later when he came to class. He agreed, removed his hand from the backpack, and went back into the cafeteria to continue to eat his breakfast.

At my school, students have assigned locations to report to when they finish breakfast. For LL (like all my homeroom students), the location is in the hallway near my classroom door. There, they find a seat on the floor, and quietly read a book (while teachers who are on morning duty shifts, monitor).

After running a couple of errands within the building, I finally arrived at my room. LL (who had already finished his breakfast) was sitting as he should be, reading away. He caught me out of the corner of his eye, immediately jumped up, and said, "Mr. Cater, here...let me give you this..." I interrupted him, and reminded him that he was going to wait until class time. He smiled, agreed, and sat back down, continuing to read.

I entered my room, and continued to prepare the room for the day. After about 10 minutes passed, the morning bell rang. I went outside into the hall to collect my students. LL was already digging in his bag to give me this "thing" that he had been wanting to give me now for a little over 30 minutes. It was imperative (to him, anyway) to get it to me right away. Probably because, if he didn't give it to me at that very moment, he would forget completely (kinda like his homework situation).

He excitedly went into the classroom, set his backpack on his desk, and pulled out a......

Koozie.

Yup, a koozie. A koozie promoting "Sync," some sort of electronic/computer operating system featured in Ford/Lincoln/Mercury automobiles. He probably got it from the automobile building at the Texas State Fair, which is going on now here in Dallas. Anyway, I acted surprised, happy, and grateful. He was so excited! Apparently, he had a stash in his backpack because he asked if he could go see some other teachers. He obviously had several more official "Sync" koozies that he needed to distribute.

I always seem to get strange, odd little gifts from kids. Just add koozie to my ever-growing list of impractical-off-the-beaten-path-acts-of-thoughtfulness. While you do that, I'll take another sip of my "insulated" ice-cold Miller Lite. :)

A Rambling Post About Data, Poker, Rubber Cement, and Being Missed..........with a slight jab at micromanaging administrators

2009-10-02T00:28:00.001-06:00

I returned to school on Thursday after a 3-day absence. I could've had the swine flu, could've had a bad sinus infection, could've had bronchitis. Who knows for sure. The symptoms are all very similar and the germs for all three of those ailments have been affecting staff and students for weeks now (and that's not including just good ole ragweed, mountain cedar, and other respiratory system-aggravators). There have been so many germs floating in the air at my school that I've been tempted to wear a bio-suit (except there is no way to get a necktie to wrap around the head apparatus nicely). Plus, they only come in solid baby blue, yellow, or white (bio-suits just don't lend themselves to aesthetic tie coordinations).

Anyway, I was pleasantly amused with the reception. Apparently, people (including some adults) missed me. Or, at least they noticed that I was nowhere to be seen for 3 days. They were, however, probably just envious that I happened to be absent during the rare (yet, lately becoming more common) conglomeration of pointless meetings and meaningless deadlines that created the "Perfect Storm," if you will.

But, I don't want to get negative. I've got plenty of time for negativity. And, I'm sure I'll have plenty of other opportunities to share. I just wanted to point out that my students were very happy to see me (and to be quite honest, I really wasn't happy to see them). I got a few hugs, some smiles, some pats on the shoulder, some genuine comments, and some thoughtful "homemade" cards. The students probably knew what I had been going through, since most of them already went through it last week. I'm pretty sure one of the little buggers gave me the nice virus.

Anyway, it was nice to feel "welcomed back" and "missed." I guess they really do need structure and consistency. Apparently the sub let them run amok. And apparently the sub was "mean."

And, I thought I was mean.

I get home almost every day feeling like I've been an ass. Not a good feeling.

But, I guess I'm really not. Not mean, that is..... Or, an ass for that matter. Anyway, I'm stern and fair for the most part. I try to help them as much as I can, and I don't demean any of them. A little over a week ago, I did kick a chair out of frustration (a strategically placed outburst, of course).

So, to get to the point.... they missed me. I, however, did not miss them. They are a very challenging group this year (academically, behaviorally, and socially). I mean, I have students that can't read 6-digit numbers (or more) with any kind of consistency. I have kids that have no concept of "borrowing". I have kids that want to add for every single word problem they encounter. Challenging, to say the least.

Then, I have a whole army of administrative "over-seers" making my job harder, by demanding that I work "smarter." Ahh... but, we're drifting into that good-ole negativity again, aren't we? Not going to go there on this post. Sorry.

So, as I was saying.....my students missed me, but I did not miss them. These students are my "cards." The hand that I have been dealt. I doubt that I can make a "Full House" with this deck of cards. My administrators....all of them....from my boss, my boss' boss, my boss' boss' boss to the coaches that my boss' boss has seen fit to assign to our campus to the academic coordinator are always preaching "data." Look at the data, chart the progress, look at areas of weakness, use an intervention, check the data again, yada yada yada. They expect me to come up with a "Royal Flush." However, it is hard to get that kind of hand when you start off with a 3 of spades and a 7 of diamonds.

But, for all the over-emphasis on data, there is one aspect that the "data-preachers" always seem to neglect. The human aspect. These kids are not just numbers. They're human beings. They can be resilient. I need to get it in my head to stop looking at them as numbers. Numbers are what make me go home at the end of the day, feeling like I've been an ass. Humans are what make me go home at the end of the day, feeling like I'll be missed.

It's been 6 weeks. A full grading period. Today, my students let me know that they missed my presence. I think the bond is starting to solidify. I think, maybe next time, I'll miss them.

Compliments Can Go A Long Way

2009-09-25T21:21:00.003-06:00

We had an assembly today for 4th and 5th graders. A speaker from one of the local community colleges came and spoke to the kids about the importance of college and about the many opportunities college provided.

I make it a point, before any assembly, to have a "class discussion" over etiquette and expectations. We talk about how to act when someone is speaking. We talk about "wiggling" in the seat. We talk about "active" listening. We talk about asking "relevant" questions. And, of course, we talk about going to the bathroom before we go to the assembly (not during). Actually, I don't really give them an option there... I make them go to the bathroom.

Anyway, we arrived and shortly thereafter, the speaker began speaking. My kids were attentive (or at least...they were trying to be). The information could've been going in one ear and out the other. But, at least they were "trying" to listen. As the speaking dragged on, the auditorium started becoming noticeably louder with the sounds of "fidgetiness" (if that's a word). The speaker then passed out a flyer with bullet points on it (oh no). She intended to read from it and have the 175 or so students follow along. Not more than 5 minutes later, several students throughout the auditorium were showing "Pirate" career aspirations because the flyers were now rolled-up spyglasses.

A few of my students started this up as well (a few). I would've loved to see the point-of-view from my students' perspective as they panned the spyglass slowly across the auditorium only to pan right into my disapproving face. They immediately stopped, but throughout the auditorium, the fidgeting and "telescoping" continued. The speaker courageously tried to continue on. Every time she was ready to wrap up, the counselor (who organized this) would walk up to her and say something to her (during which, whispers and talking from the audience started to grow). The speaker would nod to the counselor and then say, "Your counselor has also asked me to speak about...." Then, she would continue on speaking.

As she continued to speak, the fidgeting grew worse. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the school principal slowly make her way up to the front of the auditorium. She got to the front and stood and watched over the whole auditorium with a very disapproving face. She finally had to interrupt the speaker. She told her, "Excuse me, but I need to interrupt for a second...." Then, in a very stern, not-loud-but-definitely-audible-voice, she said, "Will everybody STOP... wiggling around?"

Everybody stopped instantaneously.

Then she said, "Will everybody STOP....playing with those papers?"

Then, 99.8% of the paper rustling noises stopped.

Then, she chided them for their inattentiveness, called out a few of the .2% who were still playing with the flyers, pointed at others, reminded them of "proper" behaviors in the auditorium, apologized to the speaker, then let her continue with her speaking (during which the principal continued to stand in front of the auditorium looking over the congregation like a hawk).

The assembly eventually ended, and dismissal procedures began. My class was close to the front, and the auditorium was dismissing from the rear. So, we were waiting.

As we were waiting, the presenter came up to me and started talking. She told me that she usually spoke to high school students about college. She had come with the intent of speaking for about ten minutes because she figured the attention span of elementary kids would be very short. But, when she got to the school, the counselor had asked her to go for 30 minutes. Then, of course, the counselor had started interjecting to her in the middle of the assembly to "speak about this" or "speak about that."

Then, she thanked me for having a "well-behaved" and attentive class. She said that she had really noticed them while she was speaking. And, I thanked her for the compliment. I was really pretty proud. I honestly, rarely get compliments. The ones that I do get, usually come from biased-well-intentioned friends (which I appreciate, but take with a grain of salt, because I know I can't be that good). But, a compliment from a total stranger? That really made me feel...well...competent.

It was a good day. My students, who are some of the most fidgety and talkative that I've ever had, did me proud (and did themselves proud). I let them know it too. When we returned to the classroom, I gave the students my compliments, and awarded each of them with one... single... succulent.... fruity... Jolly Rancher, and the permission to eat them in class. Gold.

My classroom smelled like a giant strawberry for the remainder of the day, and nothing came close to dampening it.

B.P. S.O.L.

2009-08-26T22:18:00.004-06:00

Today my BP kid started to show his true colors. B.P. stands for "behavior program." He has a behavior checklist and I made sure to put an "x" in the sections where appropriate. But, I have this sneaky suspicion that it is not going to do much good.

My opinion on behavior checklists has dipped in the last few years. The lists are too detailed and too time consuming. Plus, students really seem to know how to skirt around the "behavior targets" so that they still act out without getting marked for it. It seems like I'm always dealing in "gray" areas. Tired of it.

That's all for today.

Day 2-You Never Get A Second Chance To Make A First Impression

2009-08-25T20:14:00.005-06:00

This summer during our professional development trainings "they" emphasized that they wanted our classrooms covered with student-generated work, not store-bought posters. "They" also said that when we started off the year, they expected our classroom walls to be somewhat bare (to make room for the student generated work, of course). "They" said that they wouldn't be "upset" with us if they came to our classroom early on in the year and we didn't have anything up on our walls.

Now, we are in the second day of school, so I really don't have any student work to put up on the walls yet. We're still going over rules and procedures, getting routines down, sorting out school supplies, retraining bladders, etc.

Well, today we also found out that we are getting a visit to our campus tomorrow from a VIP (namely the superintendent of schools). So, now all of the sudden word comes through the grapevine that I have to adorn my bulletin boards with stuff just in case the supe decides to walk down my hallway (or, God forbid, into my classroom).

It really gets tiresome to me when one hand doesn't know what the other is doing. Or when the left hand is not on the same page as the right. Such is life in this district. That is what it has been for 14 years, and that's probably what it will be for another 14. Everyone is always worried about appearances and perception. And yes, it has filtered down to me. But that's another blog.

Heck, maybe tomorrow's!

First Day 2009-2010

2009-08-24T21:58:00.006-06:00

I'm having a frustrating year... Yup. Day 1. My sanity and mental faculties are already being tested. June, July, and half of August weren't quite enough the recuperation time I needed.

My students last year bled me dry. Ever see the movie "Lifeforce"? About these alien vampires discovered in space and brought back to Earth? The female vampire literally sucks the life out of her victims, shriveling them up into dry corpses (all the while walking around London in her birthday suit). This year's group (I have a feeling) are going to be kind of like her (except for the birthday suit part, thankfully). I'm somewhat familiar with most of them already because I had the opportunity...err, um, disadvantage... of proctoring a good deal of them when they took their state standardized tests last year.

I feel like I'm losing my rose-colored glasses. I am coming to a crossroads after 14 years. Performance pay, evaluations, instructional strategies that only work in the movies, are just a few of the reasons why I am approaching this crossroad. My track record of success automatically puts me at a disadvantage because I'm entrusted with the hardest of the hard (which can make it more taxing for me in my quest to reach goals).

In the NFL, it is perception that if you give your star running back more than 30 carries a game, that you're potentially shortening his career. Breaking him down, so to speak. I am in no way trying to equate myself as the star teacher at my school, but I do feel like I'm being broken down.

I asked for a "change" this year, a reprieve if you will... a break from the front lines. Still requesting a challenging task, but involving a population with more "receptive" minds. Needless to say, I didn't get what I asked for. Others got what I had requested instead (others who are less experienced). Honestly, I really just wanted a reprieve. A chance to decompress and recuperate from the challenging group I had the previous year. Then, after a year or two, I would go back to the front lines. Because, in reality, I really do enjoy the tough hardened populations that I have taught year after year for 14 years. Most of the time, I get no thanks from them or their parents. But, I take satisfaction from the fact that I know they left me with a lot more "stuff" in their head.

So I started the day with yet another hardened group, while still wounded from last year's battle. Stuff that I could usually easily put aside, or ignore in the past, was not so easy to ignore today. Kids outwardly arguing whether Joe Student said "pussy" or "pussycat", or Susie Sunshine not knowing the name of the apartment she lives at, or me having to repeat the same direction an ungodly amount of times was enough to make me go buy a lotto ticket today, and also contemplate furthering my education.

It looks like it is another case of "same shit, different year" syndrome for me. This time, I don't know if I'll recover.

Excuse Me

2009-03-13T15:03:00.008-06:00

A week ago during the long bout that is parent conferences, my team and I had a conversation with a parent of a child with “behavioral issues.” Mainly, he doesn’t behave.

After discussions, we decided that we would move this student to a different section with different kids to see if it would curtail the bad behavior, fighting, acting out, inattention, lackadaisicality, inappropriate remarks, (insert other negative behaviors here), and so forth.

The day after, the kid comes into my class with a new outlook on life, a fresh perspective, a new desire to make a difference, a burp-machine.

Go figure.

Thanks Burger King and Nickelodeon. And a special thank you to the parent who made sure that “so & so” started off in his new class on the right foot. I appreciate it. Your first-prize whoopee cushion is in the mail.

Sit on it, please.

And the Oscar goes to....

2009-02-28T18:29:00.002-06:00

Although I am the math teacher of record for the 65 kids that rotate through my classroom daily, I do have an instructional block with my homeroom that is geared toward writing and mechanics. Today they were supposed to write a compare/contrast essay about two of their favorite movies. As I was explaining the assignment to them, I was trying to think back to my times as a 4th grader. What would I have written about? I probably would have picked Star Wars as one of my movies. At my time in 4th grade, Star Wars would have already been out for 2 or 3 years. However, I went through this period of infatuation with Star Wars from the first day I saw it, to umm…. Actually, I’m still kind of obsessed with the whole thing today. For the second movie, I probably would’ve picked Close Encounters of the Third Kind or maybe Jaws. As far as movies go, they are all pretty timeless. They had quite a bit of critical acclaim attached to them, as well.

So what would my students pick as their favorite movies? I have to say that I was very disappointed. A compare and contrast paper on The Dark Knight and Iron Man is not a bad idea to start off with. Unfortunately, it was the best that anyone had to offer. The movies got progressively worse from there. Try Friday the 13th vs. Jeepers Creepers or Michael Myers vs. Freddy Krueger.

Good Lord.

These are 9 and 10-year-olds I’m talking about (and, err… um a couple of 11-year-olds as well). What’s going on at home, I ask? Not only are these movies with little or no artistic merit (apologies to horror movie buffs), but they are movies for adults. My students are watching movies with deranged, psychopathic murderers as the main characters, and these movies are apparently making quite an impact on my students. What would happen if kids were allowed to vote on the Oscars? Or, better yet, what would happen if my students were allowed to vote on the Oscars? That suggestion alone is a horror movie in the making.

What about Wall-E? What about Bolt? Night at the Museum? Marley and Me? These movies are a little more age-appropriate, but not a single one was mentioned. And I’m sure there are a lot more out there that are age-appropriate that I just can’t think of right now. I assure you, none of those were mentioned either.

So where does all this lead us?

Lung cancer.

Perimeter and Area: The Bane Of My Existence

2009-02-26T23:09:00.004-06:00

Recalling back to my days of youth, I can remember some challenging issues involving my "understanding" of math. There was the whole algebra thing. A+B=C, right? So X+Y=Z, correct? Variables... ugh. It's embarrassing to think of me having such a hard time grasping those concepts. If someone had just told me, "It's like having missing numbers, and you try to find the number that fits," I might have been spared months of anguish. Instead, I felt like I was trying to decipher some new alphabet. When can A also be a C, anyway?

Don't even let me get started on the whole geometry thing. Proofs. Corollaries. What kind of math was that anyway? I had never done so much writing in math before. Of course, it would've helped if I hadn't goofed around so much.

Maybe this is my penance.

You see, perimeter and area were such easy concepts for me. I'd even venture to say I learned them both in a day. And when I say I learned them both, I mean that I understood the concepts behind them. I like for my students to have a grasp on the "concept" of what I'm teaching. I could easily say, "for perimeter, add all the sides. For area of a rectangle or square multiply the length by the width." But no, I like for them to explore the concepts in more detail. And the more I let them explore, and the more I try to guide them to this "elusive" concept, the more convoluted it becomes. I've tried teaching the two concepts separately. I've tried teaching them back to back. I've tried teaching them jointly. But, for all intents and purposes, I might as well be teaching the theory of relativity.

I use blue painter's tape to tape off outlines of various shapes on my classroom floor (which has tiles that are 1 foot x 1 foot). I have them explore perimeter and area that way. I have them explore perimeter and area on 1 cm x 1 cm grid paper. Most of the times, however, I feel so frustrated, I'd like to put my students on the other side of the perimeter of my classroom.

So, I finally start to feel like I'm making some headway with them. I decide to give them a more rigorous and challenging activity. I give them centimeter grid paper. On the board I write 4 or 5 problems that ask them to make rectangular shapes on their grid paper that meet certain criteria. For example: "Draw a rectangle with an area of 20 square centimeters and a perimeter of 18 centimeters." The stuff I get back blows my mind. Either they ignore the first part of my criteria or the last part. I'll get a rectangular shape that is 2 cm x 10 cm, which meets the criteria for area. But, it does not meet the criteria for perimeter. Or, I'll get a rectangular shape that has a perimeter of 18 centimeters, but does not have the correct area. And it's not like I haven't taught them strategies for generating multiple rectangles that all look different, but have the same areas.

Don't even get me started on the fact that, involving perimeter problems, some students just add 2 sides of a rectangle because those are the only sides that are labled. It's an exercise in futility.

All I know is, God help me if I ever need to hire one of them to install carpet later in life. I have a feeling that they won't bring enough rug with them.

Listen and Learn.

2009-02-21T23:01:00.004-06:00

Elementary students are just weird. When I'm talking to them, they don't listen. When I'm not talking to them, they listen. One student asks me something, one on one. I answer, and some other student thinks I'm talking to him. This gives me a recollection about an announcement made last year over the P.A. The announcement was for teachers, reminding them that summer dress code was over the next week. Female teachers would have to wear the appropriate hosiery and male teachers would have to wear ties. To which one of my boy students queried afterwards, "We have to wear ties next week?"

I'm not that old. I still have recollections of elementary school. I could multitask. I could listen and work. I knew when the teacher was talking to someone else. I distinctly recall my ears being wide open during independent work. I was a shy kid and didn't like to raise my hand or bring attention to myself. I didn't ever want to ask for help, so I'd eavesdrop. The teacher would walk around the class and assist students who were struggling. In situations where I was stuck or confused, I would listen to what the teacher was telling other students. It helped a lot.

And all I had was an Atari. And before that, some dinosaur-ponglike contraption from Sears. The reason I bring up the gaming consoles is because I think they probably have some effect on the development of a person's ability to multitask, to think while working, hand/eye coordination. They heighten one's sensory abilities, no?

So then why do my students have terrible sensory abilities? They have Game Boys and PSP's. They have PS2's. Some have PS3's. They have X-Box consoles. Custom kitchen deliveries. They brag about them all the time. They got the guitar hero and their chicks for free. Yet, their sensory abilities seem low to me.

When state test time comes around, I proctor for a different grade level. Last year, I proctored a 3rd grade class (a lower grade than what I teach). On the 3rd grade math test, students are allowed to have a question orally read to them, if they so request. So, it never fails. I am called upon to read several questions throughout the test at various times throughout the day. So, little Johnny raises his hand because he is having trouble interpreting the long-winded question that is question # 14. He asks if I can read the question to him, and I politely oblige. I read it to him in a normal "talking" tone. I don't whisper. While I'm reading the question to him, little Susie's hand goes up in the air. Little Susie sits one chair across from little Johnny. I finish reading the question to Johnny, and move over to Little Susie. I ask her what she needs. She responds by asking me to read the long-winded question that is question # 14. Ummm. Just did. Remember? Fifteen seconds ago, when I was right next to you reading it to little Johnny? Wake up Little Susie, wake up!

Of course I end up reading that question at least 5 more times in the next 10-15 minute time-span. It's like their survival instincts are turned off. Which of course leads to my next conclusion: school isn't a do or die scenario for them. Success in school is not ingrained into their heads. Or else, maybe they would try to listen and learn with every opportunity. They need to go into "survival" mode. Maybe cattle prods in the classroom?

I kid.

Sorta.

Hot Cheetos: Spawn of the Devil? Or Life?

2009-02-04T17:28:00.029-06:00

This country is going down the tubes.
There... I said it.

In another 10 to 20 years... when my former
students are out in the workforce, these are some
of the predicted conversations that will occur:

Former Student: "I'm sorry, but according to this
X-Ray, you have cancer."

Patient: "Oh my God! Really?
How do you know? Show it to me?"

Former Student: "That
spot right there."

Patient: "Um... that's a Hot Cheeto
crumb."

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Customer: "What areas or companies do you recommend that I
invest my money in?"

Former Student: "Frito Lay"

Customer: "Really, why?"

Former
Student: "They make some good tastin' Hot Cheetos."

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Police officer: "Why did you run that red light?"

Former Student: "I spilled my bag of Hot Cheetos on the
floor and was trying to pick them up."

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The Joint Chiefs: "Mr President, we are at DefCon 5. The
Iranians have just launched 50 long range ICBMs and they're headed right for
us."

Former Student: "Get me my suitcase with the
nuclear codes right now!"

Presidential Aide: "Here it
is, Mr. President."

Former student unlocks suitcase.

Former Student: "Um... this is my Hot Cheeto stash. You
see another dark black suitcase lying around here somewhere?"

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Ok. So I'm using quite a bit of
poetic license here. I admit it. One of my former students
as President of the United States? As a doctor?

Nope, I don't think so. The group I have this year
is about as serious for their education as a clown
and a whoopee cushion.

The Hot Cheeto....

It corrupts the mind.

Maybe the conversations might be more along these lines:

Boss: The customer is complaining that her car
hasn't been working right since you changed her oil. Check it out, now!"

Former Student opens car hood, opens oil cap, and looks inside.

Former Student: "So, that's where my bag of Hot Cheetos
went!!"

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Garbage Collector 1: "Hey dude, there's almost a full bag of
Hot Cheetos in that lady's garbage!"

Former Student:
"Nu Uh, Really man?"

Garbage Collector 1: "Seriously,
dude! You should take em' man!"

Former Student: "Hell
yeah, I'm gonna take em'"

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

I swear that stuff has nicotine in it... or something.

I have never known of any substance, aside from Spice, to cause such a hubbub of excitement, commotion, and general pants-going-craziness.

If they made it illegal, it might solve the drug problem in this country.

The Hot Cheeto.... Is Life....

My Blog Is My Catharsis

2008-11-21T16:10:00.003-06:00

My blog is my catharsis.
No wonder why I’m losing my mind.
I haven’t blogged for a very long time.
Blogging is my way to unwind.

I’ve survived a RIF.
But my spirit is broken.
It was cast adrift.
Like a piece of wood in the ocean.

People in charge
across the country.
Getting a free pass
for their incompetency.

Head honchos of DallasISD, GM, and AIG
Causing the little guy all of the misery.
While they themselves bask….
in their affluency.

Happy Thanksgiving to you people in control.
You have a lot to be thankful for.
You continually pass "Go" and collect your $200 fee.
Then you roll your doubles, and get out of jail free.

Happy Summer, Happy Professional Development!

2008-06-17T09:42:00.003-06:00

I attended my first summer professional development session yesterday, and once again, I was less than impressed. What is it with this district? I hate being negative, so... let me first focus on the positive.

The actual session and presenter were actually quite exceptional (which is saying a lot). Our district has a new math textbook for next year, so the presenter was from the publishing company. He did a great job explaining the ins and outs of the new curriculum, and he did it such a professional manner. Kudos to that guy. He is a trooper.

I say that because he, along with the rest of his audience, had to endure excessive discomfort due to "climate-control" issues. I don't know what it is with this district and its inability to get air conditioners to actually condition the air. I've had this problem in my own school, a building less than 5 years old, as well. Its just unacceptable. At my session yesterday, I didn't actually hear the a/c turn on until around 9:30 (an hour and a half after the session began). And it never really cooled anything down. The common areas of the building were cool enough. I have no idea if the temperature problem was also going on in other rooms besides the one I was in, but I'm going to be extremely mad if I find out it was just happening in the room I was in. It wouldn't surprise me in the least to find out that this was the case and that the idea to change rooms never occurred to anyone in charge.

I have another session at a different campus later this week. It promises to be excruciatingly boring. Here's to hoping that, at least, the air conditioner will be working.

Grandpa Is In Da House!!

2008-05-05T20:43:00.003-06:00

I really do have some very lovable kiddos this year. I've really grown attached to some, one in particular, to even a greater degree.

When I started the school year, I had a clean shaven face. When Thanksgiving came around, I had a week off, and decided to experiment with a goatee. When I showed up back to school after the week, you should've seen the look on everyone's faces. They were shocked! How could I go from clean-shaven to caveman in a week? They really have no concept of time. But, I knew that already. Believe me, I knew that. Their total cluelessness on the concept of "elapsed time", however, is for another blog at another time.

Anyway, the kids were mesmerized by the hair on my face. Some asked me if it was fake, even. It had to be fake! How could it just happen overnight like that? They just seemed to forget the fact that it had been 9 days since they had last seen me.

One student, whom I'll call B, kept playfully ribbing me about it. She kept telling me that she was going to sneak up with scissors and cut it off. Everytime she saw me after school on her way to the bus, she would wag her finger at me and say, "cut it off!" By the time Christmas rolled around she joked that she was going to give me a razor and shaving cream for Christmas. She had also noticed that the goatee had many many colorful strands of hair... brown, blonde, black, silver, gray. She really picked up on the silver and gray, which of course led her to the Santa Claus theory. She would ask me if I was Santa in disguise, spying on kids to see if they were naughty or nice.

Well, Christmas passed, and my identity eventually morphed into "grandpa". Now, she calls me grandpa all the time, and you know... I kind of like it. It's not Mr. Cater. It's grandpa! And she says it so nonchalantly now. Almost like I'm actually her grandpa! At the end of the day, on her way to buses, she says, "bye grandpa!" And, I say "bye," right back to her. Other kids just look at each other with a I-didn't-know-they-were-related look on their face.

Even though I'm young enough to be her dad, I'll gladly accept the title of grandpa. I think it really taps into my deep-seeded desire to be a parent, more than anything else has before. She greets me everyday with a hug that practically squeezes the life out of me, and at the same time, reassures me. I could be having a totally crappy day. However, when her class comes to me, that hug makes everything right again.

With the end of the year near at hand, several students in that class now call me grandpa as well. And, you know.... I kind of like it!

I hope I'm a good one.

Armageddon Tomorrow

2008-04-28T16:35:00.004-06:00

No, its not an asteroid. No, its not the rapture. No, its not World War III. Its that damn TAKS test. And, I'll be glad when its over.

I don't know what ticks me off more... my kids, 24 hours before the test, muttering nonsensical words such as "left angle" or the State of Texas and my school district for making me treat this like it was the freakin' Manhattan Project.

I can be completely honest when I say that if the winning envelopes to the Oscars were stored in my classroom on test day, the winners would continue to remain a secret. The accounting firms of Coopers and Lybrand, Arthur Anderson, Chip and Dale (or whoever it is) have nothing on me when it comes to security.

Furthermore:

Oppenheimer could've done his research in my classroom.
Put the Ark of the Covenant in my classroom and good ole Indiana Jones wouldn't have been able to touch it.
Bill Belichick couldn't get his video cameras anywhere NEAR my room. (And the shades are drawn too).

Anything in my classroom that could be considered the least bit likely to give a student an edge in figuring out the answer to a test question, has been covered. Even things that have no potential whatsoever to give a student an answer have been covered (my bookshelf). I mean, after all, you never know when a kid looking at the bindings of the books on my bookshelf might be able to figure out that you multiply length and width to find the area of a rectangle. And of course, you never know when a kid actually might care THAT much to actually LOOK for an answer on the binding of a book on my bookshelf.

But, never fear. Security abounds even outside of my classroom. Trips to the restroom occur with escorts in order to make sure that kids don't talk about the math test when they leave the prison that is their classroom. You never know when a kid actually might care THAT much to actually ASK the 10-year old at the next urinal if he remembers how to determine if 2 fractions are equivalent.

And, of course... there is the cafeteria. When it comes time for lunch, classes must walk in lines to the cafeteria in pre-determined routes (as to not disturb other testing classes). I imagine presidential motorcade routes are formulated in much the same way. And to top it all off, the actual dining area is closed. Students must eat in the classroom under the strict supervision of their proctor. Because, who knows when a kid actually might care THAT much to actually ASK the 10-year old across the table what answer he got for question #12 when he would much rather chunk a tater-tot at his friend 2 tables down? Who am I kidding? By the time they got to the cafeteria, nobody would even remember what question #12 was about!

And what usually happens after lunch? Recess, right? No, not on test day. God forbid letting them break a little tension and take a little mental break, right? First of all, the playground is much too noisy for classrooms that are nearby. Other classes are still testing at that time. Nevermind that the playground is as wide as 2 blocks. I'm sure that moving to an isolated corner of the playground wouldn't be too disruptive to the closest classrooms. But, who knows when a kid actually might care THAT much to actually SAY, "Tag, you're it, and by the way...don't forget to line up your decimals whenever you're adding or subtracting decimal numbers" to her playmate.

It's all just a little too "Soup Nazi-ish" for me. Some will pass. Some will fail. I can assure you though, that it will not hinge on whether little Johnny got the answer to question #12 from his friend in the bathroom, cafeteria, or playground.

It hinges on whether the kid actually cares THAT much to really LEARN when given the opportunity.

And of course, that onus lies mostly with the parents.

I Know What Girls Like

2008-04-27T14:27:00.004-06:00

My partner in teaching was telling me a story about one of our students the other day. Apparently, there was discussion going on in her class about what girls really like when it comes to boys. Well, she decided to set the record straight.

She asked them, "You really want to know what girls like?"

There was a hush in the room. Everybody wanted to know what she was going to say. And instead of using the opportunity to tell them that to find the perimeter of a shape, you add all the sides; and to find the area of a square or rectangle you multiply length by width, she actually told them (in her opinion) what girls like.

She told them that girls liked smart boys because smart boys are able to get good jobs. With their good jobs, the boys can put food on the table, buy a nice car, buy a house and just provide for the family.

But, one of our kids begged to differ.

He said, "Nuh uh, Mrs. Teacher. My uncle has a beat-up old mini-van and he has a hot-ass girlfriend!"

He didn't even realize that he had said the word, "ass." Neither did the class.

She should've just told them about perimeter and area.

Excessive Celebration

2008-04-15T22:12:00.007-06:00

If you're a sports fan, you've seen it before. Your football team is down 49 to 7. Two minutes left to go in the game. The other team has the ball. The next play is a running play and the runner is stuffed behind the line by one of your team's defensive players. Then the player that makes the tackle celebrates by doing a little dance, pumping a fist, or chest bumping one of his teammates.

Umm.. dude, its 49 to 7. If you had done that about 15 to 20 times throughout the game, maybe you would have a reason to celebrate. But, as it goes... you've only done it once, and once is not enough. You still lose. Dumb ass.

I bring this up because this idea, philosophy, idiocy (whatever you want to call it) has trickled down to the elementary school level. I'm not saying that there is a direct correlation between how pro athletes celebrate accomplishment and how our elementary school children celebrate accomplishment, but its amazing how similar it is.

Case in point: It is one day after a test. The tests have been graded and returned to the students. During class, I go over the test so that the students can get an idea of where they went wrong. Perhaps they can learn from their mistakes?

I reach question #9. The class pays attention to my expert instruction as I explain the strategies I used and the steps that I followed. When I arrive at the correct answer for the whole class to see, little Johnny lets out a whispered "YES!" accompanied by a subtle fist pump. It appears he got it right, and wants to let the whole class know that he is an expert in the particular area/objective that was addressed in question #9.

Unfortunately, little Johnny missed questions 1 through 8, and #10 as well for a score of 10%. But that doesn't phase Johnny. He is "in the moment". He is "king of the hill". He is master of the "improper fraction".

Dude, you made a 10. Chill out. If you had bothered to think through the other 9 problems, listen to your teacher a little more, or do your homework, you might actually have a reason to celebrate! But, as it goes.... you got one question right, and one is not enough. You still fail. Dumb ass.

Makes me want to pull my hair out. That's when you see the joint of my jaw pulsate through my cheek, as I wear down my teeth. That's when you see that vein pop out on my forehead.

I'm sure a lot has to do with the coddling that we do as teachers. This excessive praise for things that should be a natural occurrence is creating a generation of kids who are satisfied with being mediocre. Or even worse, sub-par.

Makes me want to throw up.

Please feel free to leave all of your positive comments below. All negative comments will be deleted.

Career Day, part 2

2007-12-13T21:20:00.001-06:00

In my last blog, I wrote about the wonderful experience of career day. However, something even more meaningful happened on that day: I got, "whoop-whooped." It's not every day that I get a "whoop-whoop." It left me feeling appreciated, liked, and respected.

One of the speakers was an assistant principal at a community college high school (a high school where students can earn dual credit towards a diploma and college coursework). He spoke in an auditorium filled with 4th and 5th graders. The main thrust of his speech was to get kids thinking about college. He asked them such open-ended questions like: "What does college look like?" and "What kind of people go to a college?". He presented these questions to the students and some volunteered their answers.

He complimented the students on their answers, but then put the call out for grown-ups (mainly us, faculty members) to come up to the mic and volunteer their opinions on his questions. I am not a public speaker. So, I sulked down into my chair. He picked one of my female colleagues, Ms. Teacher, to go up front. He asked her what kind of things you could learn about in college. She talked about what her major had been and talked about some of the other majors available. He asked her what college looked like and she talked about how her college was a small college, but how other colleges were huge.

When he was done with her, he then asked for a male teacher's thoughts. I slunk further. My fellow colleague, Mr. Teacher, was not at this particular assembly so I knew the odds were not in my favor. Since the auditorium was filled with 5th graders (most of them my students from last year) and 4th graders (most of my students from this year), things did not look good. There were 2 or 3 other male teachers in the auditorium, but there sphere of influence was minimal. They were bilingual teachers and only had one section of students for the current year and previous year. I had 5 sections last year and 5 sections this year.

Sure enough, I heard someone shout out, "Mr. Cater!" Then, someone else chimed in my name. Then, all collective eyes in the auditorium were on me. There was nowhere to hide. I succumbed and got up out of my seat and started walking to the front. That is when the "Whoop, whoops" started. I felt like Arsenio Hall. Kids started clapping.

It was a good feeling.

I felt....well......

"Liked."

Who doesn't like to feel that way? It was an ego-booster for sure.

The assistant principal (who looked and sounded a lot like Ray Romano) then asked me his college question: "What kind of people go to college?" I then proceeded to answer that people of all ages and races went to college. I went further into it than that, of course, but that was basically it. The kids had probably tuned me out the second I said, "People of all ......"

But, who really cares if they tuned me out or not?

I got "whoop whooped"!

Career Day

2007-12-04T22:33:00.000-06:00

Happy December to my loyal readers (hi mom). I managed a big goose egg for blogs in November so I have vowed to at least write 3 or more for December. So, to begin... lets talk about November!

We had career day at my campus several weeks ago in November. It is always an interesting event to me for many different reasons. For one, I enjoy watching the children (4th graders, mind you) listen intently to the financial planner talk about his job. When my 4th graders ask such questions as: "At what age should I start considering putting away for my retirement?" and.. "Could you explain the intricacies of a Roth I.R.A?" I just swell with pride. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, more interesting to me than to watch my children participate and learn about the complex world of saving for retirement (while I yawn in the back of the room). Truthfully, I feel sorry for the financial planner. Next year, he has to say "NO" to this gig. High School: Maybe. Elementary School: N-O! He would have better luck talking to a brick wall.

Second, I enjoy the pilot. I always had interest in being a pilot as a kid. You can tell that this guy (this is his 2nd year) enjoys coming and talking to the kids. He talks about the importance of math, science, social studies, and reading and how they are all required skills for piloting an airplane (somehow I always knew that the Battle of the Alamo had something to do with the unfortunate incident with Payne Stewart's plane). I even learned something myself! Did you know that jet fuel is just basically a very high grade of kerosene? I honestly didn't know that. Yeah, it is a bit of useless knowledge. But, who cares? I always loved learning about planes. Guess I still do.

Third, there was the puppet show from hell. A librarian from the nearby branch came and talked to the kids about being a librarian. She did it with puppets, which seems like a foolproof method. But, then I remember one of my favorite all-time bad movies: Howard the Duck. When Howard the Duck wasn't a midget in a duck suit, it was a puppet at times too. Presentation is everything. If the puppet is supposed to be talking.... then the mouth should be moving (lesson #1 from puppeteering 101). If the puppeteer is talking, then the puppet's mouth should NOT be moving (lesson #2). And finally... the biggest faux paus in puppeteering: The puppet is there for entertainment and interaction with the audience. Its purpose is to get the kids engaged. I have a problem with the puppet whispering into the ear of the puppeteer because the puppet is "shy". Puppet, please! If the puppet is whispering into the puppeteer's ear, the students are smart enough to realize that nothing is coming out of the puppet's mouth. It's a cop out, plain and simple. By the way, does anyone else think that "puppet" is kind of a weird-sounding word? Read this paragraph over again out loud to yourself for verification on that!

Fourth, we had the "heroes" division: Police, Fire, and Military. Kids eat that stuff up. The Dallas Police Helicopter does a flyover and then lands on the playground. I absolutely love... err.. umm.. the kids really get a kick out of that. The helicopter sits powered down on the playground while the students walk by and look inside, talk to the pilot, and play with the tail rotor without permission. That's the embarrassing part. There's always a few in the group that want to play with the expensive machinery. I cringe every time I see a kid (usually not mine) playing with the tail rotor. I always wonder if I'm going to see that helicopter spinning out of control when it leaves a couple of hours later. Luckily it never does. Furthermore, we have the military represented as well. A guy from the "Young Marines" was there to do some "grunt" recruiting. I have to say though: the military is barking up the wrong tree at my school. Sorry to say it, but my fourth graders still don't have the concept of "right" and "left" securely stored away in their little brains. I don't know how many times I've had to say, "Your other left!" this year. I could see a comedy of errors erupting at the first "RIGHT FACE!!!" Last, but not least, we also have the firemen. We all know why they're there. They're the eye-candy. The females (professional and student) just have this glazed-over look in their dreamy eyes as they listen intently to Mr. Extinguisher talk about his job saving puppies and trapped babies. Hey, I can hold a hose and direct it at fire too. I just choose not to.

Anyway, Career Day was an enjoyable day for the students. They had the opportunity to learn about careers they're interested in (military, fire, police) and then they got to learn about careers to stay away from (librarian and financial planner). And, I got to learn more about helicopters and airplanes. It was just a win-win situation for all involved!

Looks Like We Have Another Floater...

2007-10-25T22:25:00.001-06:00

Children puzzle me sometimes (the things they do, the way they act, the things that entertain them, the thrills they get off of unthrilling things, bathroom humor). Maybe its because I have a weak stomach or maybe I'm not hip anymore (I am going to be 38 in 3 more months...another sad realization I made today). Who knows?

It all started a little after lunch during our post-lunch bathroom break. There are 5 stalls in the boys bathroom and 5 in the girls. So, naturally I send in 5 at a time. I monitor the boys bathroom, and the girls pretty much take care of themselves (thank God). I will step in and out of the bathroom several times to facilitate maximum occupancy of the toilets while others are still washing their hands. But, enough of the unimportant details. Occasionally, while walking in and out, I tend to catch them in their little moments of err... um.. immature-ness (whether it be climbing up the stall doors, flicking water in someone's face, throwing a wad of paper somewhere it doesn't belong, or writing something on the wall). But, every year, this little "gem" always becomes an issue: The floater.

Yes, the floater... sitting in the water of the unflushed toilet bowl. It's like the 8th wonder of the world to these kids. Forget a trip to the museum to see relics from a lost era... in stall #3 we have a relic from last period!

I don't understand it. I don't own a cat for a reason. I can't clean out a litter box without vomiting... or at least gagging. There's a reason why I wear dark clothes when I walk my dog in the dark. When she poops in other peoples' yards, I can high-tail it out of there without having to clean it up. I can't use the inside-out baggie method. The poop is usually too squishy. Messes with my mind. Makes me want to throw up. Makes me want to gag. But, enough about my surreptitious dog walking techniques. Back to the floater.

The floater is a wondrous thing. Its like that tiny box in the Hellraiser movies. They are drawn to it. It has mysterious powers. There are even rumors that Adolf Hitler himself was in search of the perfect floater. It could annihilate an entire army. Umm.. err.. maybe that was the Ark of the Covenant, but I digress.

I have my secret ways of observing the boys in the bathroom without going in. The mirrors mainly.... Sometimes their reflections in the tile. Anyway, this is the "script". Happens this way pretty much all the time and the same way:

Boy walks into stall. Boy says, "Ewwwww!!!" Boy dashes out of stall and tells other boys. Other boys go observe floater in the stall of the offense. Other boys dash out one by one laughing and saying, "Ewwwww!!!" Some boys make repeat trips.... and come out with the same result, "Ewwww!!!" As boys filter out into the main hallway, they notify the other boys (who are still waiting in line to go in to the restroom) of the attraction in stall #3. Its like when you see your friends in line at the movies when you've just finished seeing the feature they're waiting to see. Or when you get off of a roller coaster at an amusement park and you see your friends waiting in line to ride the same ride. "It was awesome!!!"

They'll recall these stories of their youth in their later years.

Student #1: "Remember when we saw that poop floating in the toilet?"
Student #2: "Yeah."
Student #1: "That was awesome!"

But, I have to admit that it is quite humorous to see this event. I try not to laugh. Most of the times I don't. Sometimes a smile creeps out, but I pretty much keep a straight face. But as Triumph the Insult Comic Dog might say: It makes for a good blog-writing topic....... For me to POOP on!!

I Am A Golden God!

2007-10-22T18:42:00.000-06:00

I give my students many opportunities to go up to the board or overhead projector in front of the class and demonstrate how they solve particular problems. Most of them get a kick out of it and enjoy showing me that they know how to solve a particular problem. Well, today I had a student demonstrating how they solved a "lattice-style" multiplication problem. When the student got to the point where she had to multiply 9 x 4, she put the wrong answer in the box. I politely interrupted her and asked if she was sure that 9 x 4 was 27... and if she wanted to go back and check. She started counting by 9's on her fingers and kept getting stuck. She would start all over again, and get stuck all over again. I decided to give her some help.

I asked her if she knew any shortcuts for figuring out her 9's, and she responded in the negative. So I told her to write the numbers 0 through 9 in a column. She did, and it looked like this:

0
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9

Next, I asked her to make a 2nd column right next to her first column and count down from 9 through 0. It looked like this:

09
18
27
36
45
54
63
72
81
90

Then, we went back to the 9 x 4 and I asked her to count to the 4th number down (36). And I said, "You're right! 9 x 4 = 36."

There was a collective gasp from the entire class. It was like I was practicing witchcraft or making the Statue of Liberty disappear. Every year, I show my kids this little "trick" and I never get the reception that I received today. At that moment, I knew my students saw me as more than just a mere mortal. I was a god today!

Now, if I could only magically make them learn the entire curriculum that way. :-)

We Interrupt This Scheduled Lesson For.....

2007-10-17T21:13:00.000-06:00

Is there some kind of "hotline" for anonymously reporting P.A. system abuse? If there isn't, there should be. If such a "hotline" existed, my school would definitely be "red-flagged" by now. It seems like there is a freakin interrupt... err... um.. important announcement every damn minute. It is really unnerving (especially when I'm in a teaching groove, and my kids are in a learning groove). There has got to be a better way.

Whether they are:

Looking for some AWOL teacher

"Ms. Black, please report to the office. Ms. Black, please
report to the office. You are needed immediately, Ms. Black. Ms.
Black, please report to the office. We are a go for Operation Black Hawk"

Telling us stuff they should've told us in the weekly update newsletter

"Please have your students sign off on their free fair tickets for
elementary fair day."

or:
"The Fast Forword Lab will be closed today
and next week until further notice."

or:
"Duh, don't you read? The Fast
Forword Lab is open again."

Telling us at 2:30 to send students down to the office or teacher workroom to get copies of "important" notes that must go home by the end of the day (when they should've had the copies ready first thing in the morning).

....They inevitably make the announcement longer than it should be and basically..... ruin the atmosphere of my classroom. If my students were engaged, you can sure bet they won't be engaged anymore. If they weren't engaged, you can sure bet they are even worse afterwords.

It is absolutely ridiculous. Maybe a script would help. Write it out before you ramble it out. One announcement in late September warned us faculty members about the approaching end of summer dress code, and that the men would now have to go back to neckties and the women would have to go back to hose. By the end of that convoluted exposition by my school leader, some of my 4th grade boys were convinced that they needed to show up with neckties the next week. The other 60% who have learned the important skill of "tuning out" were fine until they overheard me trying to "clear up the confusion" to the other 40%ers. After they overheard me trying to explain "no neckties" to the "confused" ones, their response was, "We have to wear neckties???"

It is truly a vicious cycle. Dominoes on the tumble. If one falls, they all fall.

And after all the confusion was finally cleared up, the dialogue kinda went like this....

40%ers: "By the way, Mr. Cater, what was that you were telling us about Left Angles?"

Mr. Cater: "I was talking about right angles. There is no such thing as a left angle."

60%ers: "There's a left angle? What does it look like?"

Mr. Cater: "It looks like a boot about to kick some ill-prepared elocutionist in the buttocks."

De de de de, De de de de, De de de de

2007-10-08T20:16:00.000-06:00

As I've mentioned in other posts of mine, my district is really pushing the "Principles of Learning" approach to teaching. And, as I've also mentioned in other posts, I'm all for this new approach. If it truly benefits students (like I think it will) then I am for it 100%.

Of course, with all new approaches, there is a learning curve. You can't just implement all aspects at once. There are many pieces to the "Principles of Learning". One such piece is accountable talk. Accountable talk involves having the students become more responsible for their learning. In the process, they take ownership of the learning. When they answer questions in class, they are expected to give a valid reason (or proof) for how they came up with their answer. During the implementation of this facet, a habit of intellectual discourse develops. Hmmm.... I have to say that I was kind of skeptical about it too. But, the experience I've had the last couple of weeks is starting to sway my opinion.

During our staff development sessions over the summer, we were provided with a list of accountable talk stems. The stem that I have been experimenting with the last couple of weeks is the "I agree/disagree with ___________ because __________" stem. When I started to implement it in my class, I suddenly felt like I was transported to some sort of alternate dimension. A dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. Moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. Yep, I crossed over into... the Twilight Zone. De de de de, de de de de, de de de de, de de de de, Dummmmmmm dum dum dum dum.

Who were these kids that were talking so intellectually? Certainly not the ones that I was used to. I teach in a school where most of the population in in the low s.e.s. bracket, where most of the population is some kind of minority, where the population doesn't normally use the words "agree" and "disagree". It is totally amazing how they speak once you get them in that mode. Its not always easy to get them there, but thats mostly because of my old habits. I'm sure I'll get better. Anyway, not only does it make them sound more intellectual... the other students seem to be more focused or in tune to what their fellow student is saying so that they themselves can chime in with an agree or a disagree. Truly amazing.

For another interesting anecdote on accountable talk hop on over to Mister Teacher's blog at Learn Me Good and read his post titled "Accountable Counting". Pretty funny stuff!

Assembly Line Education

2007-10-02T22:10:00.000-06:00

Ugh…Assembly-line education. I can’t stand it. It’s like the scene from "I Love Lucy" in which the chocolates are moving too fast on the conveyer belt for her and Ethel to wrap. I have a "middle-school" rotation in 4th grade. I have 5 classes and they rotate in and out every 60 minutes. My district is really on the "Principles of Learning" bandwagon (which I have no qualms about). However, the whole "Principles of Learning" philosophy is about educating at a more rigorous level, a more deeper level. How can I get deep in 60 minutes? Truthfully, its not even 60 minutes. These are 9 and 10-year-olds we’re talking about here. We have other issues from bathrooms to fevers to she won’t be my friend to he’s making fun of me to pencil sharpening. Heck, sometimes it takes a kid an eon to take out a sheet of paper and put their name on it! The issues are endless.

It has been suggested to me that the Science teacher could take 15 minutes out of her 1 hour science time to allow students to do "practice" work over stuff that I taught. However, I don’t really see a very good cost/benefit result here. Science instruction will suffer and I really won’t be able to effectively monitor and address misconceptions with immediate feedback. It would have to wait a day. Truth be told, there just isn’t enough time in the day. With every subject now facing the prospect of state testing, nothing can really be shortchanged. The problem is, that everything is shortchanged as a result.

A 2-teacher split is much better than a 5-teacher split. A 2-teacher split also gives rookies the opportunity to team-up and learn from a veteran. What if I decide to change schools next year? I take my 12 years experience and wisdom with me. I taught a state-tested subject my 2nd year as a teacher. I worked very closely with the "other" math teacher on my grade level. I learned a lot. It sped up the learning curve. I wouldn’t mind having the opportunity to "groom" a newbie. I’ve done it before.

When I used to teach 2 subjects (Math and Science), I had a 2 1/2-hour block and I always had the flexibility to spend more time on one subject if students were facing difficulties. Of course, the other subject would suffer. There were times when I would take away from Science time, because Math is a state tested subject at my grade level. Unfortunately, science is state tested at the next grade up. I want to prepare my students for that as well, but math scores are what ultimately ride on my shoulders. I enjoy teaching science as well. However, I would not enjoy teaching it if I was faced with 45 minute class time (because in 4th grade, that translates to about 30 minutes after all the B.S. mentioned above).

But…I don’t run things. I don’t rock the boat. I just do what I’m told to do. If someone asks my opinion, I’ll give it to them, but nobody ever asks. Such is the frustrating life of a teacher.

Next thing you know, they’ll want to start basing my salary on how well I cram stuff into 9 and 10-year-old heads in 60 minutes. Oh, wait… they’re already on that, aren’t they? I guess the truth will finally come out: I suck at teaching! Don’t send your kids to Mr. Ed. U. Cater! He sucks! Oh, wait… He’s the only freakin’ math teacher.

Anyway, that’s all I got. Just a little rant for cyberspace.

A New Kind of Teaching Position!

2007-09-04T21:04:00.000-06:00

I've forgotten how much i HATE the beginning of the school year.

At the end of last school year , my kids left me for the summer as geniuses. ;-)

Now I receive a whole new batch of nose-picking, butt-scratching, thumb-sucking, pencil-tapping, chair-rocking, leg-swinging, rubber-necking, bladder-busting, mouth-moving, attention-fleeting, cheeto-eating, pencil-breaking, pencil-sharpening, paper-wasting, germ-carrying, name-on-paper-forgetting, water-drinking, "I don't get it"-saying, paper-popping, cologne-overdosing, selective-listening, Ritalin-needing, subtraction-forgetting, multiplication-fact-unknowing 3rd graders disguised as 4th graders.

-----whew!!

Last year's group of 4th graders (now 5th graders) was the bane of my existence. Yet as I pass them in the hallway, I long for their presence in my classroom. Am I going crazy? Please Elvie, come back... and bring your mischief with you! Hey, Jonah, bring your passive-aggressive defiance back on over to my room! Hi Elsie! I miss your very own special brand of cluelessness! Come be clueless in my classroom again! Please, I'm begging you! (She probably would, too).

At least I knew how to deal with those students. Now, I have a whole new group I need to figure out. What makes them tick? What makes them work? What makes them happy? What makes them mad? What makes them sad? What cafeteria meals make them gassy?

I told a colleague today that my new teaching dream job is: second semester 4th grade math and 1st semester 5th grade math. If I could teach my old students for the first semester in 5th grade and then hand them off to another teacher after the Christmas break, that would be wonderful! Then, I could move down to 4th grade and continue where their first-semester teacher left off. Then, the following year, I'd teach them the first semester in 5th grade! Sounds confusing.

During the first semester, the fourth graders are still babies, but by the second semester they grow into quite likable human beings. In the first semester of 5th grade, the students are still likable 4th graders, but they're gradually moving towards that nightmarish-pubescent-filled-hellish void known as middle school (middle-school teachers please pardon me---you guys are truly my heroes). By the time the second semester of 5th grade arrives, they are well on their way to the void. I myself would prefer to get off at the next stop.

Anyway, just a little aimless, wandering, rant of a blog today.

Early Retirement?

2007-08-27T20:34:00.000-06:00

Ugh... It's days like this that make me wonder:

"Do I have the ability to do this for another 17 to 20 years???"

The first days of school are always hectic, true. First weeks are always hectic. But, it really is days like today, that make me want to go back to college and earn a second degree. Heck, I'd consider an associate's degree in auto mechanics (they probably make more money and they get to have tattoos). Seriously though, we can have tattoos. But, what would I get? A giant apple on my back? A multiplication chart on my ass? A place value chart wrapped around my bicep like a tribal band? (Maybe I could make it into the millions period if the print was small enough).

Seriously though, auto mechanics have it easy! Plus, if they don't have the parts, they can order them from Detroit and get them within the week. I can't rightfully tell Johnny's mother that he's missing the portion of his brain that controls logical reasoning and that I need her to sign a consent form so that I can order the replacement part from Dr. Frankenstein's lab (if it could only be that easy). Furthermore, they can always refer to the owner's manual for tire pressures, oil grades, and how to use the jack. If kids could just come with a manual that had their friggin' address on it I'd be happy. Seriously.... If you're 10 years old, you should know your home address. And if you don't, your parent should take the responsibility to staple that information onto your forehead.

Auto mechanics also only have to worry about engine cycles. No monthly cycles. What is it with being notified of those on the first day of school? This is the first time in my 12 years that this has been an "issue" on the first day of school. Sure, it happens during the middle of the year all the time. But, on the first day of school? I guess it was bound to happen. Its the hormones in the chicken, I know.

I do enjoy my job, don't get me wrong. I'm sure I'll grow to like a majority of these kids, and I'm sure they'll grow to like me as well. But when I'm 49, will I feel the same way? Will I have the energy? Will I have the stamina? Will I show up to work with my shirt tail sticking out of my trouser zipper? (inside joke). Will I show up with suspenders attached to my underwear? (another inside joke). Will I show up to work one day with mismatched shoes? (oops, already did that). Will my ties look ridiculously out of style? (NEVER!!)

Well, I really don't know what will happen then. All I can worry about is what happens tomorrow (and the rest of the school year). So, put your tray tables up and put your seats in their full upright position. Fasten your seatbelts because its gonna be another bumpy ride!

NO MORE WIRE HANGERS!!!

2007-08-25T08:36:00.000-06:00

A wise principal once said, "It takes five positives to undo the damage caused by one negative." (Or, at least someone told me that’s what the wise principal said). Regardless, the logic seems true enough. It is kind of like the whole idea of how frowning causes facial wrinkles while smiling prevents them from occurring.

Anyway, I digress. Yesterday, our principal called a staff meeting for the purpose of going over final nuts and bolts type issues before the opening of school on Monday. We also traditionally have an apple-cider toast in plastic champagne glasses to kick off the "New Year" on a positive note.

Well, the meeting was to start at 1:00 in the cafeteria. I, along with 8 to 10 other co-workers, showed up at 1:00 (according to the clock in the cafeteria). According to my watch, we still had another minute or two. According to my cell phone, it was 1:00. According to a second clock in the cafeteria, it was about 10 after. Anyway, she had already started the meeting (before 1:00). This must be true since she was already in the middle of discussing something. If we were there at 1:00 on the dot, and she was already speaking, she must've started anywhere between 12:57 and 12:59.

At the door, there were sign-in sheets for attendance and about 8 handouts to pick-up. While we were signing in, and picking up our handouts, she decided to "call us out" in front of the rest of the staff.

Nice negative reaction, very nice. Reminds me of how some staff members last year would make bets before staff meetings on how many negative remarks the principal would make for the meeting on that day. If anyone was betting yesterday, they would've had a field day trying to tally up the multiple tirades that were about to occur.

I can't quote it, but it was along the lines of we're just gonna have to stop and wait for your fellow co-workers, who can't seem to show up to a meeting on time. All the while, mind you, she's screaming. Well, not screaming, but definitely talking in a very abrasive, condescending, belittling, gruff tone. One of the staff members actually spoke up for herself and said, "It's one o'clock now," pointing to the cafeteria clock. Of course, this led our principal into her be-in-your-seats-early-so-the-meeting-can-start-promptly tirade.

Anyway, I felt like an 8-year old.

It just so happens that earlier in the week, we had an interesting presentation on brain-based research. It was basically about creating "optimal" conditions for "optimal learning". Things discussed were: having brighter, homier classrooms; having music play strategically during various times of day; involving hands-on or kinesthetic movements throughout a lesson; and creating a hospitable non-threatening environment (to name a few). She should've taken a page from that lesson and handled our scolding differently because from the moment I felt like I was being chastised as if I were an 8-year old, to the moment we toasted to a "Happy New Year", I had tuned-out. I wrote non-productive notes to my fellow "guilty" co-workers instead. I got a few laughs out of it as well. I guess I had caught the "negative-virus" as well. I'm probably being negative now as well, but it’s therapeutic, so I'm excused.

The toast was anything but jovial for me. I drank the apple-cider like I was abusing a bottle of Jack Daniels, and I threw the plastic champagne glass into the trash can like I would've been smashing an empty bottle of Jack in a parking lot or burning fireplace. I walked out of that meeting fuming inside. Outside, I was fine. I can laugh about things. I can smile. I can joke. But, on the inside rest assured, I was fuming. There were about 2 more times after that meeting that I just let out frustrated "Argggghs" in my isolated hallway. The people that heard me knew why I was "Arrrrgh-ing". Almost 24 hours have passed now and I'm still pissed. But, I'm not so much pissed now at the belittling as I am at about how low I've sunk since Tuesday.

I was pretty optimistic at the beginning of the week. But, each day, I've managed to sink a little bit more each time. Of course this all comes on the heels of news from a friend who has moved to a new school this year and is absolutely loving the positive energy there. I'm happy for my friend, but it just makes me realize what I'm missing out on.

Say Cheese!

2007-06-21T21:25:00.000-06:00

The schools in the D/FW Metroplex have recently been invaded by a new drug called Cheese. It's a mixture of black tar heroin and Tylenol PM, crushed up and snorted. Its cheap and over 20 teen deaths have been attributed to it since its invasion into this area. Strangely enough (according to articles I've read) the majority of deaths have been in the hispanic demographic. For some reason, this drug is really only prevalent in this area of the country. DEA has been working with local law enforcement in hopes of preventing the spread of this "fad" to other regions of the country. The Dallas Independent School District also started an "information" campaign to let kids know the dangers and to let parents know of the signs.

Some schools have also taken the initiative and had speakers (mainly law enforcement types) speak to students at assemblies to inform them of the dangers. And, this brings me to the main reason why I'm blogging on this particular issue.

The drug is starting to get some national news coverage now, and about a week or so ago CNN did a story on the drug. They had a camera crew go into a middle school which happens to be the school where my elementary school feeds into. So some of the kids at this school are my former pupils.

Anyway, the video was of an "informational" assembly conducted by a police officer on the dangers of drug usage and to warn students of this Cheese. Anyway, after asking students several questions in the "How many of you know someone that takes or sells drugs?" category, the officer went on to tell the students that, "The United States is the biggest consumer of illegal drugs in the world." What happened next, is just totally mindboggingly stupid and sick.

Applause and cheering!

Kids are really Stupid sometimes (with a capital S).

Some of these were my former students. But, really, what can I do? They come to me for one year, and then they leave. They come to school for about 7 hours each day, then they spend 17 hours elsewhere. And, of course that doesn't count weekends.

Anyway, its a sad, sad thing and I hate that I know some of these bozos. They are on the fast track to nowhere. Anyway, just a little rant on the futility of educating some of these kids.

Stay Free!

2007-05-15T20:49:00.000-06:00

My students have this habit of leaving trash on the floor or not picking up after themselves. Their desks are kind of small, so sometimes they unknowingly knock things (paper, pencils, erasers, shavings, scraps, etc.) to the floor. I seem to be nagging them constantly about "checking their area". Today, I should have kept my mouth shut.

As I was pacing the room, monitoring work (yes, my students are still doing work with a week and a half left in the year), I noticed out of the corner of my eye, a fragment of something, paper, if you will, lying on the floor. It was lying next to Sabrina Duncan's desk. So naturally, without hesitation, and straight out of habit, I asked her, "Sabrina, is that trash on the floor yours? and if so, could you please pick it up?"

There was some hesitation for a couple of seconds and then she replied that it wasn't hers. I was going to ask her to pick it up and throw it away anyway when I heard Bosley, a boy that sits behind her, say under his breath, "Is that what I think it is?"

Then, I heard another boy, Charlie, respond, "That's a pad!"

Then, like all boys of that age, he started to giggle. Not more than a second later, Bosley started to giggle as well. I looked at the item in question, and yes, it appeared to be a pad in an unopened yellow wrapper. It was on the floor next to Sabrina, and it was obviously hers. It didn't just appear there.

Of course, she denied it again. The boys giggled more. I sat down at my desk, nodding my head side to side, with my forehead resting in hand. I had absolutely no idea how to handle the situation. I was dumbfounded and felt like Ward Cleaver. The boys saw me nodding side to side and started laughing at my dumbfoundedness. The dumbfoundedness was existing on many levels: I was dumbfounded on what to do, I was dumbfounded on why she just didn't quickly pick it up, and I was equally as dumbfounded to find out that 4th grade boys knew what a sanitary napkin package looked like. While still nodding, I looked up for a split second and made eye contact with one of the boys. Then I did what all people of my age do: I started to grin.

I fought it tooth and nail and saved face pretty quickly. How did I do it? Well, I suddenly had the urge to look up something very important on my computer screen. I looked away from my class, peering into the computer screen and not reading a thing. Only one thought was on my mind: At all costs, you must suppress the urge to laugh.

Well, seconds seemed like hours and the pad was still on the floor. Now Sabrina, the owner of the thing, started to giggle as well and continued to deny her involvement with the pad (giggling the whole time). Sabrina has a good friend, Kelly Garrett, that sits on the total opposite side of the room. The two girls are good friends and they talk incessantly when near each other (hence the opposite sides of the room arrangement). They are such good friends, that they can communicate with looks as well. So when I saw them "communicating" with each other out of the corner of my eye, I knew without a doubt, unequivocally, that the pad belonged to Sabrina. Kelly started to laugh as well, and even got up out of her chair to take a look at the pad lying on the floor by Sabrina's desk.

Laughter started creeping back up to my face. My mouth was twitching. I kept raising my eyebrows so that maybe it looked like I had a headache and I could put my hand up to my forehead and cover my face in the process. Luckily, like in all the Rocky movies, I was saved by the bell. Whew... Time to go to specials classes.

Sporadic giggles were popping up here and there. Students were coming to take a look at the neatly-packaged pad as they lined up to go to art. You would have thought we were in the Smithsonian!

I usually line them up in the classroom, but I had to get them out of there (too much rubbernecking). I had them move into the hall and line up there. Giggles were still going on in the hall, and I was trying my best to ignore the whole thing. Again, the urge to laugh crept up through my body, and I had to think of an excuse to go back into the room. Ahh! My pen! I forgot my pen! I walked into the room, chuckled, took a deep breath, and then went back out into the hallway.

I escorted my kids to the art teacher, dropped them off, and let out a deep sigh and a big grin. By the time they got back to my room, they had forgotten about the whole thing. How typical. Just like math.

Bittersweet Symphony

2007-05-09T21:41:00.000-06:00

The results to the dreaded test arrived yesterday.

And, like always, the results were bittersweet. So many successes, and a couple of disappointments.

This school year has been very trying, and it was the first time in 11 years that I honestly didn't know what to expect from these kids. These kids were majority "new" to our student body because of attendance zone changes at the begining of the year (to accommodate for the opening of a new school). They were not the kids that I was used to. They were not kids that had been educated by my peers at the lower grade levels. They were giant question marks in the back of my head. Throughout the year they just seemed to be so inconsistent to me. I was definitely preparing myself for a letdown.

But, in the grand scheme of things, there was no letdown at all. They grew right before my eyes unlike I've ever seen before. Well.... not all of them, but a good lot of them. Of course, there are those that are classified as highs and medium highs: The growth with them isn't too noticable because they are already at a high level to start off the year. But, some of the lows!! They were the bane of my existence! I was pulling hair, chewing on fingernails, sucking my thumb (well, not really). But most of them showed extreme growth and I am so proud of them... and myself (to tell you the truth). No, they didn't all pass, which is sad, because the state will see them as failures. But, I don't. I see them as successes: Mostly latchkey kids in an urban district with one parent; born into circumstances beyond their control; dealt hands that most of us would fold with. In the end, they took what I had to offer and applied it.

They were lucky to have me!

Does that sound conceited or what?

Then...there was student "N". She is a good reading and writing student, but a struggler in math. Like some of the others, I was worried about her the whole year. I worked with her. I tutored her. I made her feel safe. Yet, she still failed the math portion of the test. I wasn't disappointed in her, because I know she tried. I really thought she would be able to pull through, but she didn't. She came up to me today (the day after they found out their scores) and asked me, "Are you mad at me?"

And I told her, "No, of course not, what for?"

And she replied, "Because I didn't pass the math test."

That broke my heart! I reassured her and told her that I was not mad and that I knew she had tried her best. In the end, all she was concerned about was me and my feelings. She is such a sweetheart! I'd take a million like that and have them fail every single test.

.....but then, I'd be out of a job.

Roll Over Beethoven

2007-04-26T19:00:00.000-06:00

The music teacher assigned my students to do some research on various composers the other day. I'm not sure how much of a project this actually was because I really haven't heard anything about it since Tuesday. But, what I heard Tuesday would definitely make any connoisseur of fine music cringe, and would surely make poor Ludwig turn over in his grave.

When I picked them up from their music class this Tuesday, they were in a rather cheery, singy (is that a word?), and jovial kind of mood. Some of the girls were singing a melody to some tune they had heard in their class that day. This is unusual because, sorry to say, most kids don't really like music class. I'm not sure if it's because they are embarrassed to sing...which I can understand, since I have a terrible voice. Or if they just think the overall concept is lame. I mean, why sing when you can crap? Did I say crap? I meant RAP.

Well anyway, the girls were singing and one of my boys, Dr. J. (the one from my 4/16 blog, "Apology Accepted") made an interesting comment. He said the song they were singing sounded like it was something by Beth Hoven.

I asked, "Beth who?"

He replied, "Hoven."

I once again asked for clarification, because I really wasn't comprehending what he was saying, "Who?"

His quizzical look (mentioned in my 4/16 blog) returned. His reply, with a little trepidation and a slight stutter (he was trying to get it right) was "Hu..hu..hoven."

Then, it finally hit me. Beethoven. Of course! I said, "Oh!!! You mean Beethoven?"

He replied, "Uh, yeah. Beethoven."

It was slightly funny, but slightly sad. He thought Beethoven was a girl named Beth! Maybe it was the wig. I mean, I knew who Beethoven was when I was in 4th grade (maybe even 1st grade). And this poor little guy, had no idea. Maybe its because I took piano lessons. I wonder if my peers knew who he was back then. Boy, maybe they didn't and I was just a nerd. Oh well.

Take Me Out To The Ballet

2007-04-22T12:15:00.000-06:00

The other day, during recess, another teacher was playing baseball with the kids. It wasn’t an actual game or anything. Actually, it was more like just pitching and hitting…no base running. He would pitch the ball until someone hit it or struck out, and then it would be someone else’s turn.

After observing this little "interaction" between teacher and students, I came to the conclusion that baseball is a dying sport. Actually, I’ve had this opinion for a long time now. I haven’t been to a major league baseball game since probably around 1996, whatever year that was that the Texas Rangers made their first post-season appearance. I was already a little disillusioned from the strike that had occurred a couple of years before that, and my attendance to games had severely dipped. Sure, I followed it on TV somewhat (especially during the Mark McGuire/Sammy Sosa homerun derby year), but I never really got back into it. I suspect many other people (including dads, uncles, and grandfathers) didn’t get back into it as well, thus alienating it even further from a younger generation.

Anyway, back to my observations....

The kids were lined up to take a swing, and the first thing I noticed was that the first person in line to bat was not more than 2 or 3 feet away from the actual current batter. Last I heard, a baseball bat was longer than 2 feet. I would just cringe each time a pitch was made and the bat would swing. Surely, someone was going to get hit. The teacher pitching had to constantly keep telling the kids in line to back up. They absolutely had no concept of "batter's box". They might as well have been umpiring the pitches. Anyway, we can just chalk that up to over-anxiousness. Everybody is always dying to get their chance, and these kids were definitely hungry for a chance to hit the ball.

The most tell-tale sign though (that baseball is on its way out) was the at-bats. You could tell that some of these kids have never held a baseball bat in their lives. I’m talking N-E-V-E-R. Some kids were holding the bat with their left and right fingers intertwined. Oh my gosh! Back in my day, that would’ve branded you as a sissy! Only girls could get away with holding the bat like that (apologies to the ladies). And, by no means am I saying that these kids are sissies. Some are, but most of them aren’t. Yet, there they were, holding the bat in the most passively demure of ways.

The next noticable tell tale sign was the swinging pirouettes that I witnessed. Sorry (again) female readers, I don’t want to sound sexist because I’m not. But the swinging pirouette is so-o-o-o-o-o girly! For those of you who don't know, the swinging pirouette is when the batter takes a futile swing at the passing ball. Of course, the batter whiffs and then commences to spin on his foot (Newton's little known 4th law comes into play here--for every whiffed baseball, there is an equal and synonymous 1,080 degree spin). These kids would’ve had more success in a ballet class, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. They actually, in fact, probably have a better chance of becoming a dancer later on in life than becoming a world-famous soccer, football, or basketball star.

The last tell tale sign has got to be the influx of butterfly collectors into the baseball arena. Some people might consider butterfly collecting a demanding physical exercise that requires exceptional skill with a net, but don’t ever get that confused with baseball. Sure the baseball doesn’t flutter around directionless like a butterfly, but the butterfly doesn’t fly staight at you at speeds approaching 100 miles per hour (40 or 50 miles per hour in the case of these kids). Anyway, you’d think these kids were hunting butterflies. Swinging the bat with one hand while leaping gracefully into the air is not going to get you a base hit. Amazing. You might have some luck netting a buttefly in this manner, but you will not net a chance on base, that’s for sure.

So, to sum up.....

These kids suck! These kids are much better shooting a ball through a hoop, kicking a ball into a goal, and leaping into the air to catch a football while defenders are eagerly converging on them to make a hit. They are much better at these because they have the experience and the practice. They are in leagues for these sports, its obvious. But baseball? The kids have no concept. Don’t even get me started with the concept of bases. I have a strange suspicion that some of them wouldn’t know what to do or where to go if they actually had the sheer luck to connect on a pitch.

As for me......

I’m actually scheduled to see Rangers vs. Bosox next month with my dad, uncle, and brother. It will be my first MLB game in over 10 years. But, I’m not even really going for the game as much as I am going for the nostalgia of going to a game with my dad, brother, and uncle. Of course, beer and jumbo dogs come in a very close second. Actual interest in the players and the game: a distant third.

Apology Accepted

2007-04-16T19:55:00.000-06:00

Its amazing what today's kids don't know. We spend so much time trying to ingrain the academic stuff, sometimes we forget about the social stuff. Actually, I'm not taking all the blame here, its the parents that neglect the social stuff. We, sometimes neglect to "fill in the blanks". Today there was an incident involving the use of the "N" word. And no, it was not nincompoop, ninny, or nitwit.

A sweet little (not to be confused with smart) hispanic girl from my 4th-grade class walked up to a somewhat likable (not to be confused with angelic) African-American boy today while we were lining up to come in from recess and said, "Hey, N**ga!". She, of course, used the modern day hip-hop pronunciation and not the circa 1800-1970's pronunciation. No doubt, she had been influenced by today's rap culture, MTV, Hollywood, and quite possibly fellow students, as well.

Anyway, the boy was somewhat offended, and I guess he had a right to be. I just wonder if it offends him when 50 Cent and Snoop Dogg use the word as well, but I digress. What was really strange (and the subject of this blog) is the way the boy didn't know how to accept the apology.

I called the girl out into the hallway for some clarification about the incident. I asked, "What did you say to Dr. J? He seems to be really upset about it." She replied back, with a hint of shame, the truth. I told her that it was not okay for her to use that word even if she had heard it on the radio, TV, or from her own friends (some of whom are African-American as well). I could tell that she kind of had some sense that it was wrong before she actually said it, because tears were flowing. If she really had no clue about the offense, she probably wouldn't have been tearing up like she was. I told her that I thought she should apologize to him and she agreed.

So, I called him out into the hallway and told him that Ms. Swoops had something she wanted to tell him. I looked at her to give her her cue and, looking down at the floor in shame, she said, "I'm sorry for calling you that."

And he said, with a straight face, "You're welcome."

I looked back at him with a quizzical look on my face, and I asked him what he had said, just by the off chance that maybe I had misheard him. He repeated, with a straight face, "You're welcome."

I asked him if he was sure that that was what he was, in fact, trying to say. Then it was he who had the quizzical look. He had absolutely no idea where I was going with my questions. I didn't want to make him feel weird or like he had done something wrong, so I just bluntly told him that when someone apologizes to you for something they did, you don't say that they're welcome. You tell them that you accept or don't accept their apology. I told him that he could shrug it off and say, "That's okay!" or "It's alright." I told him that the last thing you want to do, is tell them that they are welcome to do it again.

He said, "Oh, okay." and it was over. I'm sure he put that one in the "Information To Know" file in his brain. Well, actually I'm not so sure. But, he'll figure it out eventually. I just find it weird that he didn't know the proper words to use in this situation.

Today's kids are exposed to so much vulgarity, raunchiness, and inappropriateness, and they seem to learn how to apply that vulgarity and what-have-you to their daily interactions with peers. But, many don't have the slightest clue about proper social etiquette. Am I asking too much? I guess I should be glad that she at least agreed that she needed to apologize. But, then again, I had to suggest it.

EAT!!!

2007-04-13T15:43:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I really like my job as a teacher. Its the funny little things that occur that just make it all worth it sometimes. I was not in a good mood today. I've been suffering from a cold all week and was on the brink of losing my voice.

Fortunately the voice stayed and today, I decided I was out of the woods... The worst was over. It was a pretty short and sweet virus, starting on Tuesday, and almost gone by today. Lately, the viruses...(virii? what's the plural anyway?) I've been getting have been long-lasting little buggers. Anyway, for the last 3 days my voice was practically gone. My "innocent" little 4th graders kind of took advantage of me because of my inability to raise my voice in certain "disciplinary" circumstances.

Well, today my voice was "somewhat" back. We are on a 4-class rotation and my last class came in a little "off the wall" so I let 'em have it, especially a select few of them. The rest of the students quickly fell into line like perfect little duckies. The minute one of the students started to stray, my "raised" voice did not fail me. I was a junkyard dog today, barking orders here, chastising there, reprimanding here. I was on a roll.

I gave them their assignment, and they began working like nice little 4th graders. Not more than 5 minutes had passed when a couple of 3rd graders came into my room with a cupcake and a juice box. It was one of their birthdays and mom had delivered too many cupcakes. Since they have kind of taken a "liking" to me they decided to bring me one of the extra cupcakes and juice box. Awwww.. ain't that sweet? That isn't even the funny part. Anyway, I said thanks and they went back to their class.

Now my class was still quiet, but they were not focused on the work that they had been working on just before the interruption. They were focused on me, the cupcake, and the juice box. I wiped a little of the frosting off the top of the cupcake because it was just too much. I'm not a big frosting fan, but I digress. I peeled the paper wrapping around the cupcake, and all eyes were trained on me. I don't know what they expected to see. Had they never seen a grown up eat a cupcake before?

Anyway, their assignment was just a distant memory as their wide eyes and gaped jaws stared at me as I took a bite of the cupcake. When I noticed they were all looking, I glared at them, and in my junkyard dog-disciplinary-raised-voice, I said, "EAT!!!"

Of course, I meant to say, "WORK!!!". I was the one that was eating. Anyway, I quickly corrected myself and said, "Work!", but it was too late. Someone was already snorting, I was already grinning, and no doubt my face was probably red as well.

For all you non-teachers out there...when the teacher smiles, the gig is up. That's all she wrote. Time to hang up the towels. Soon, everyone was laughing. There was one girl in tears, she thought it was so funny. And, yeah, it was.

That's the best thing about kids, even the rough exterior ones that don't have the best home lives. They really are just kids. And they really are for the most part, innocent. And they know something funny when they see it (even though they still may not be able to grasp the concept of perpendicular lines). It was a good, and much needed laugh. There is too much tension right now with TAKS test on the horizon next week. They went home on a good note, and so did I.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

2007-03-12T19:58:00.000-06:00

Every once in awhile, something happens that reminds me why I like this job of mine. And usually, 90% of the time, that reminder comes from a 10-year-old. Kids are really pretty simple and innocent when it comes right down to it (even the low-socioeconomic, minority children attending an urban district like mine). Not all, mind you, but most.

This past Friday was our last day of school before our highly-anticipated spring break. But, before we could get on with the day at hand, my class and I had to have an official ceremonial observance of St. Patrick's Day. The holiday, unfortunately for the kids, falls in the middle of spring break week (which is a big plus for this green-beer-drinking blogger, I might add). We had discussed the week prior that Friday, March 9th, would be our official "observance". Of course, I had slept since then and had no recollection of the discussion. But, kids: They may not remember the difference between finding the area of a rectangle and finding the perimeter of a rectangle, but they will remember the revised St. Patrick's Day observance date.

The very first thing in the morning, I had kids pinching each other and trying to pinch me. Thankfully, they were kind enough to give me a warning and some grace time to see if I could find anything green to attach to my body. I finally found a green overhead pen and made a few green marks on my hand to stop the pinching attempts. It was a nice little bonding moment with these kids.

I haven't had too many moments like that this year. I blame that on the ridiculous first-semester-1-hour block schedule that we had in place. It was assembly-line education. I didn't get to interact with these kids on anything more than a formal level. There wasn't any time for nonsensical stuff like an early St. Patrick's Day observance. If I deviated from my plans even just a little, the "brains" on the assembly line would pass me by without getting the "parts" that they needed, like in that famous "I Love Lucy" episode. I'd eventually end up shoving "brains" down the wayside or putting them in my pocket or down my shirt, like a zombie trying to horde his food for later consumption.

They are just kids. Sometimes it is so easy to lose sight of that when your so busy trying to cram all the stuff that they "need" to know inside those little heads in one hour's time. And sometimes, they need something other than what is written in the district's curriculum planning guide. Sometimes they just need to be kids.

What's in the air? (besides sleet & snow)

2007-02-01T21:00:00.000-06:00

Today will definitely go down as the worst day ever in my teaching career. What was wrong with these kids today? It's like they've pulled a Lon Chaney Jr. on me (and they weren't all that good before the "werewolf syndrome"). These little elementary "angels" were anything-but angels today. First off, the overall talking level has just been completely overboard this week. Maybe one reason was: they were holed up in a classroom all day Tuesday taking a field test for TAKS. So, Wednesday and Thursday have been a release for them. It's almost like they think the test was the actual "biggie". They are so relieved that its all over and they think that they can relax now. Sorry, kiddos!

The real straw, however, was the last two periods of the day. One of my co-workers had to leave early for something today (can't remember what, but it was legitimate). The substitute cancels or is a no-show, and we can't get a teacher assistant to come cover her class. So, we split up her kids into the remaining class sections of our level. I got a bad mix. They pushed my buttons. It really is true what they say about how just 2 to 4 kids can really ruin the dynamics of a class. The class was working on these individual mini-projects and I just had too many kids getting out of their seats and talking to others in different parts of the room. And they weren't talking about what they were working on either. It was not "accountable talk" and it was not "socializing intelligence". It was just socializing. Socializing on a level I have not quite seen before. Kind of like the nuclear bomb of socializing. Busy little birds, these children were...and it couldn't be stopped. Until I yelled.

I'm not a yeller. It just strains the throat and they eventually learn to tune it out. I am very calm with the children. I always seem to have a good rapport with all my classes. It is a good balance of mentor, friend, funny uncle, and teacher. If a kid isn't doing what they are supposed to do and they've had several chances to respond to correction, I have a "firmer" voice that I use, but that volume is about as far as I've gone in a long time. Today, the decibel level I've grown accustomed to using with my kids was surpassed. I yelled. They got quiet. I reamed. They stayed quiet.

When I give a class reprimand, I always throw in the "and I know it's not all of you" line and the "if you're one of the ones that are making good choices, then thank you so much" line for the ones that are doing what they are supposed to do. Believe it or not, some students are "perfect" in that sense. They respond appropriately to an authority figure and they behave appropriately in class. They don't deserve to be hollered at. I make it a point to let them know that. Today I tried to let them know that too. Because, amidst all the chaos, you could see them trying to do their work, trying to not get involved in the hubbub, trying to be good. You could see them trying to keep their noses to the grindstone, while their eyes would occasionally scan the room to see the storm brewing. They knew a storm was brewing. I gritted my teeth and counted to ten in my head, but nothing could stop the vein that bulges in the middle of my forehead when I am stressed or angry. I'm so sorry they had to see that part of me. I've maybe had to yell like that three times in my eleven years as a teacher (and they were all in my first one or two years). Today was a new low for what has truly been a very stressful year.

Foot In Mouth Disease

2007-01-24T23:00:00.000-06:00

Well, what a day today was. Just less than 48 hours ago, I blogged about administrators being clueless and out of the classroom too long; I blogged about them making unreasonable requests; and I blogged about them trying to justify their paychecks. I was on quite a roll (See WTF).

Well, today I'm teaching my little kiddos about improper fractions and mixed numbers; we're discussing numerators and denominators; and we're discussing my age (today also happens to be my birthday...and the little elementary student is always ever so curious about the age of their teacher). While we are on the subject of converting mixed numbers to improper fractions and vice versa, out of the corner of my eye, I catch a glimpse of the backside of a very familiar looking head. Not only is it a familiar looking head, but it also happens to be "The Head" Superintendent of my very large school district (walking with a small entourage).

First thought in my head was, "Oh, shit..he's read my blog and he's here to fire me on my birthday, that heartless man." And usually, whenever a supe is at a school, there always seems to be TV news crews videographing his visit. So, naturally my next thought was, "Oh, shit..he's read my blog and he's here to fire me on my birthday for the 6 o'clock news, that heartless man." I tried to play it cool in front of my kids. He didn't even look in through my door, just kept on walking down the hallway, escorted by some tall guy with a bluetooth phone thingy in his ear (What was that guy's purpose anyway? Bodyguard? Secret Service? Offensive Coordinator?). So, I'm a bundle of nerves now. I'm calling improper fractions mixed numbers, whole numbers fractions and generally not making much sense.

It took awhile for me to finally get a grip and settle down. I thought maybe the dude was going to come around for a second pass, but he never did. Whew!! I'm just not good around big wigs. If I had to describe my overall persona and appearance around big wigs, I'd tell you to go rent "Weird Science" and watch the part where Chet gets turned into a pile of ..well, sh...err..poop. That's basically me around big wigs. They weird me out, to use a phrase not from my age group.

So, I guess I'm safe for now and my job is still intact. It would've been a shame, so early in my blogging career, to have to resort to blogging about working the register at the local Wal-Mart. Let me just give notice to all 9 of you readers out there: get a nice visual picture of my mug in your head, because by Sunday, I'll be deep, deep, deep undercover. Don't be surprised if you see an image of "Sponge Bob" in place of my face. And Mr. Supe, if you're reading this, that thing about you being heartless and all? Well, that was just a little poetic license for dramatic purposes. I'm sure you're not heartless at all (insert nervous laughter here).

5 Things About Me You May Not Know

2007-01-22T21:38:00.001-06:00

Mister Teacher has "tagged" me and is making me tell whoever reads this 5 things they may not know about me. I think I'd rather write "I promise I will try to blog more," on the board 100 times. Anyway, here goes:

One night when I was about 2 years old growing up in deep south Texas, there was a banging on the back door of the house (which happened to be in my bedroom). The banging was accompanied by a voice that was demanding to be let in the house. My parents called the police. Turned out that the person trying to get in was then-Dallas Cowboy coach Tom Landry's senile mother who was having a bad episode of dementia.
In high school, I jury rigged the wipe wash hose of my 1978 Dodge Aspen to squirt a stream of water at high velocity out to the side of the car. I guess I got "Aspen" confused with "Aston Martin". I so badly wanted to be James Bond, I even considered putting lighter fluid in the resevoir instead of water (if only I could've found a way to keep a constant open flame by the spout). Anyway, I hosed down many unsuspecting targets this way. My cohorts and I became known as the "Squirt Squad" (so high school).
I like to compose music in my spare time. I was originally inspired by this girl I had the hots for in high school. She had a steady boyfriend, but I didn't care. She made my heart go pitter-pat. One night, we had a secret late-night rendezvous at the local Whataburger where we just sat and talked. If I ever make a "Top Ten Best Days of My Life" list, that night will definitely make the list. Nothing romantic really ever materialized, but the music will be with me forever.
I have a secret desire to write screenplays. I've never tried, but I've bought several books on techniques and style. Maybe one day, I'll do it. A fellow teacher and I got an idea for a movie while watching our kids play at recess last year. We decided our idea would make a good sequel to "Dodge Ball". It's called "Four Square: Globo-Gym Strikes Back". Hey, don't laugh! Four Square is an extremely demanding sport that requires skills in athleticism, deception, and "in-your-face-ism".
You pick the last one: I graduated high school #31 in a class of 400-ish. I received 3rd place in the best-looking car category for the "Pinewood Derby" when I was in Cub Scouts (back in my elementary school days). I was voted "Teacher of the Year" once at the first school I taught at. I won $500 playing bingo once while waiting for my girlfriend to get off work at the bingo parlor. I spent the night in the emergency room once for a kidney stone and had demerol-induced hallucinations which included boxes of Cheerios floating in mid-air.

WTF?

2007-01-22T18:56:00.000-06:00

Today, I (along with an assortment of other teachers) was asked by my boss to come up with a list of predicted passers and failers of the big state standardized test coming up in the next few months. This request was made, of course, at the behest of his boss who probably feels the need to justify his paycheck. Who knows for sure?

However, this request is not very unusual or unreasonable. Predictions like that go on in my head on an almost daily basis. When I ask a student what 10 + 7 is, and they have to put it down on paper to find the answer, I file that student's name in a section of my brain called the "uh-oh" file. This is basically the file that contains the names of all students in danger of failing the state standardized exam. Of course, this process takes a fraction of a nanosecond to complete. It basically goes like this:

Me: "Student A, what is 10 + 7?"

student reaches for pencil and/or paper

FILING COMPLETE. Next student please.

I'm not judging that student. I'm just making a mental note to myself that this particular student may need some extra help during the year, whether it be tutoring or common-sense class. After 11 years of teaching, I can make pretty accurate predictions about who is going to pass and who is going to fail the test.

So, anyway, we were asked to compile a list of potential passers and failers by Friday. Not a big deal. But, then the real problem arose in the next request: not only did they want a list of predicted passers and failers, but they also wanted a list of predicted gains and losses per student. So, it basically goes like this:

I look up the student's scale score from last year's test.
I pull the student's scale score for this year's upcoming test out of my ass.
If the score out of my ass is more than last year's, then its a gain.

Simple, right? You see, student A (who made a scale score of 1,990 on last year's test) is going to have a bout of diarrhea on test day this year. This, combined with his test anxiety and the fact that he will wake up 20 minutes late and miss breakfast, will decrease his scale score by 20 points. Who woulda figured?

This just goes to prove my point that the people in charge of the people in charge of the people in charge...shouldn't be in charge. How can someone make a request like that and keep a straight face? It basically goes like this:

They don't have a clue.
They haven't taught in several years.
They hate me.

It's a plot, no doubt, concocted by the same evildoers who made me drive to school in the ice last week.

Put That Carrot Where?

2006-12-24T00:02:00.000-06:00

Last Friday (the 15th) was the last day of school before the students (and teachers) embarked on winter break. I usually look forward to that last day in anticipation of all the "interesting" gifts that I get from my students.

This year, however, I was not. With a class filled with 85% boys (70% of whom are just waiting to mug me later on in life), I knew that this was going to be a blue Christmas. I was not expecting anything nor was I giving out anything... Don't get me wrong. There have been years where I have doled out the gifts. Great kids deserve great gifts. This is not one of those years. I wouldn't spend money on charcoal for this group of ne'er-do-wells.

Anyway, as expected, the day was going exactly how I had forseen it. No gifts, and to be totally honest, I was fine with that. Later on in the afternoon though, one of Mr. X's kids dropped by and gave me an envelope with a card in it. "For me?" I asked. She nodded yes, and I thanked her. She went on to deliver that same card (she must've bought a box of them) to every other 4th grade teacher on the wing. "That's nice," I thought to myself. She wasn't even one of my students, yet she was thoughtful enough to get a card for all of the 4th grade teachers. I didn't even know her name. She was one of the bilingual students, and by the way, if you don't know, 90% of the bilingual students are not eagerly anticipating on mugging anybody, ever.

Most of these kids have been in the US for less than a year, and they are the sweetest, most well-intentioned group of kids a teacher could ever want. Their parents are also filled with good intentions, but of course, aren't the best at English either (which is where the card comes back into the picture). Her mom must have based her purchase solely on the cuteness of the card, because she sure didn't read it. You can see the front of the card, pictured above.

Click here to read the inside of the card. By the way, she didn't sign it... so maybe she did know what it all meant! If you're not laughing, you might have to read it again. Some people didn't quite get it on the first reading!